Dog treats

So I just got back from Publix with Camryn. The other two girsl are with my mom, but because Camryn will not sleep anywhere but her own room, she can't go on sleepovers with her sisters. I will get into that in another blog. Anyhow, Cams and I went to the store to buy dog food, among a few other things. Anybody who knows Camryn knows that she has this crazy obsession with dog food. Even before we had a dog she would take handfuls of it from my mother-in-laws dogs bowl and carry it in her hand for hours. Never once trying to put it in her mouth, she would squeeze it tightly in her clenched fist and sometimes open her hand to look at it. She shouts it out in public places at the most inopportune times..." I like wet food!" " I like dog food!" Oh yeah, she wants to tell the world how she feels about kibble, meanwhile I just keep pushing the cart, pretending it didn't happen. When we got a dog of our own it was as if someone had bought her a pony because now in our garage was a bright yellow, 10 lb. bag filled to the rim with dog food!! And to make it even more exciting we have dog treats in the pantry, which also thrill her to no end. You may have caught on Facebook how she picked a bag of "Beggin Strips" on her birthday and then brought the bag with us to the dinner table at T.G.I.F.'s, making an already memorable for the all the wrong reasons outing even more so.
So we're at Publix, Cams is riding in the cart with bench attached to it, you know the one you need a CDL to operate, because that's how Cam rolls, literally. I'm tossing things into the cart, she's busy with a cookie and for all pratical purposes, it's going well. THEN, we turn down the dog food aisle. Immediately she hands me her cookie saying "All done, all done" and starts flapping her arms and grimacing her face. No big deal, this is "norm" for us. As she's shouting " Beggin Strips, Riley (our dog) Beggin Strips" I grab a bag of bones. She pushes my hand back toward the shelf as her way of telling me she doesn't want this kind. She then takes my hand and places it on a bag of bones with a Golden Retriever on the front. "Bailey and Buddy" she says. Thpse are the names of my brothers dogs who are in fact Golden Retreivers. I hand her the bag, she is flipping out in excitement and we head to the register. Of course, there is a wait at every line and I start to panic because I know what's brewing. While shopping with Camryn used to be a breeze, her meltdowns have made it more like a tornado. You know there is potential for one, so you keep it in the back of your mind, but when it actually happens you have very little warning before stuff hits the fan. Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes. In the past, Camryn couldn't care less when we approached the register. She would just sit in the cart and keep saying (loudly) the the cashier "We have to pay for it. Say thank you" which resulted in some odd looks but over time the staff came to know us and Camryn and it was no big deal.
But lately, if I take Camryn to the store, we MUST buy dog treats and when it comes time to pay, there shall be no waiting! She wants to pay for the treats immediately, which can pose a problem when you have a woman buying a months worth of groceries in front of you. Well, today there was no monthly grocery trip holding us up, but there were only three registers open and each one had about twenty items to ring up before it would be our turn. My gut started tightening. Camryn started with " Let's pay for them,let's pay for them". To which I replied " We will, let's wait our turn." Look at the balloons! Is that Elmo?" I was desperate to distract her. You know how you have days when you are super confident and it doesn't matter what anyone says or how they look at you, nothing's gonna shake you? Well, today...not one of those days.  She wasn't falling for the old balloon bit and by this time had unbuckeld from the seat and was heading towards the conveyor belt. The cashier was halfway through ringing up the man in front of us who, I hate to judge people on their looks, but was an ass with no tolerance for kids of the normal variety let alone one who mixes it up a bit. There were about 5 of his items left to ring up and Camryn gets ahead of me and starts shoving the bag of dog treats into the cashiers hand almost crying the words " Pay for it, paaaay for it". Looks are coming form all angles and I am trying to remain calm, keep my cool, but my temperature was quickly rising. "Camryn, we will pay for it but we have to wait our turn. Whose on that package? Is that Bailey and Buddy?" I could feel the sweat beading up on my forehead and my ears were burning from redness. Mr. Ass paid his bill and gave me a cutting look which I returned right back at him. Finally our turn, the cashier scanned the treats and gave them back to Camryn, who took the bag and headed for the door. I ran after her and dragged her back to the register and all the while she's screaming" Feed Riley! Wet food , dry food. Rileeeeey" OMG! Lord, what have I done? It really couldn't have been this terrible to have been condemend to repeated public humiliation could it? EVERYBODY is staring and you know what? I'm fine with that. It would catch my attention too if I saw a kid acting like that and I'm used to it BUT, usually there is one person, one, kind, understanding, thank God you're here person who looks at me with a smile that say's "It's okay." Understanding person, where were you today???  I clumsily swipe my debit card, as the cashier bags my things and tries not to make eye contact with me. Everybody in Publix now knows that my daughter  "Loves dog food!' both the wet and dry variety, as well as Beggin Strips. Receipt in hand, I convince Cam to get back in the cart. Exhausted and feeling completely defeated, I load the bags into the car. Cam holds on tightly to her bag of treats as I buckle her in. I start the engine and look over at her, smiling and completely unaware that what just happened in there was anything but normal, because in Camryns world, it was normal. But we don't live in Camryns world, and she has no choice but to live in ours, which isn't always a friendly place to be. I drive home, listening to how much she likes wet food and dry food and that Riley is black and white. As I kissed her to sleep tonight, I thanked God for her, as I always do. Life with Camryn is far from easy, but that little girl is making me stronger than I would have ever been without her and for that I am so grateful.

Awards

So, is it a coincidence that the day after I decide to start blogging  I sprain my ankle and have to remain  stationary with Natalie at my mother-in-laws,leaving me with a completely quiet house? Maybe a sign from God that yes, I should write and that is why he has provided me with this opportunity? Maybe, but I am guessing if it is a sign of any sort it's one that reads "Maybe you should clean your garage and stop wearing flip flops!" And if that's the case then, whatever!!! That's what garages are for right?? To put all the stuff you don't want in your house now but might later in case you decide to redo things (which in my case if I redo things then I decide I want new stuff and then put the old stuff out in the garage creating even more mess), or want to give to Goodwill but never seem to go, or plan to sell in that garge sale you've been  planning to have for that last five years. And if you have a two car garage it just means you have twice the storage for more stuff, right?? And stop wearing flip flops? Forget about it?? I will ALWAYS wear flip flops!
So anyway, my point is, as I always try to find good in bad, I decided that since I can't move around much today, it was the perfect time to add to my blog.
The thing that really bummed me out about the whole ankle deal was Mason and Camryn were getting awards today and I had planned on being there to see them. Mason usually gets one every semester for various things, such as responsibility, caring,etc. Today her's was for leadership. Miss Camryn however, although she does receive them frequently as well, has only managed to score them in one very appropriate area...Curiosity! lol And to see her walk up on the stage to accept it is both precious and hilarious! Her teacher has to walk her up and she has no idea why she is on stage but loving the attention, snapping all the way ( snapping is her signature move). She stares at the principal like" Why are you in my face, why do you keep trying to give me this paper and who are you?" and then snaps and grimaces her way off stage, her teacher redirecting her the whole time.
Brad was there today and said that while Camryn was up there she announced more than once " I have to go poop" and then grabbed her teacher by the neck and ran off to the bathroom! It is moments like this that I could very easily be mortified and sad that she didn't walk gracefully across the stage, shake the principals hand and then smile for a picture, proud of her achievement. But instead Brad and I just smile and laugh and sometimes cry at her innocence, self confidence and  not knowing the difference. Some of the other parents look at her with a raised brow, others whisper to each other, but most just see her for a happy little girl marching and snapping to a different beat, and they smile and laugh along with us. Then they go find thier child, hug them as their son/daughter proudly shows off their award. Meanwhile Brad and I are trying to keep Camryn from crumpling hers into a ball, telling her how proud we are of her, to which she replies " I like dog food!" Gotta love that girl! :)

My name is Eve. I am 34, married and mother of 3 daughters. Mason,9, is incredibly creative, an artist, funny, generous and total drama queen. Natalie,3, is the girly girl I have always wanted yet can kick a ball with the best of them, so sweet and totally loveable. Camryn,7, is curious, affectionate, hilarious, and quite often a real challenge, as Camryn is also Autistic.
The day we were told our daughter had autism was the day my rose colored glasses cracked and I threw them away. My "perfect" life was no longer and I had a pity party for myself that made Mardi Gras look lame. Having worked with special needs children before I had married, I knew all about Autism, yet really paid it no mind, because, that was other people's issue, not mine.
When Mason was born, she was all I could have hoped for and more. A bright, social baby, everyone noticed her wherever we went. As a new mother, I loved the attention. She was ahead of almost every milestone and at fifteen months of age, when I discovered I was pregnant again, I could not wait for the repeat performance.
Little did I know, that second time around would be nothing like the first.
When Camryn was born, she was 6lbs.8 oz., she scored well on APGAR and all appeared fine. She did all the things newborns do....cry, sleep, eat, poop, repeat. As a young mother with a not quite two year old and a new baby, I was exhausted and overwhelmed, but managing. As the months went by I paid no mind to Camryns lack of head control. She was still very young and her head seemed kind of big for her still, so I just chalked it up to that. My best friend Anna, who is like a mother to my kids, took notice of Camryns neck and suggested I ask the doctor about it. Next day I had a diagnosis of Torticollis. I had never heard of it either. Basically it's a tight sternocleido-mastoid muscle (try saying that fast) which causes the head to tilt to one side and can cause that side of the face to appear more flat than the other, but with physical therapy can usually be completely cured. Whew!! No biggie. Three times a week we visited All Childrens Hospital for 45 minutes of physical therapy. It turned out Camryn had a pretty severe case and ended up having to wear a "Tot collar" which is kind of like a clear tubing "choker" that holds the head up and is to be worn two hours a day. Camryn hated it and I hated making her wear it, but when I looked around the hospital at all the other things that could be wrong with my child, I thanked God for her health and fastened her collar. I remember telling the therapist that I really hoped we could get her face evened out because I didn't want her to be 5 years old, looking in the mirror and thinking she was different than the other kids. Little did I know that it wouldn't matter how she looked.
As the months went by, I noticed that Camryn wasn't reaching her milestones as she should. At 5 months she still wasn't rolling over. At 8 months no signs of crawling or sitting up. She also did not want to be held close and would arch her back at the first sign of any cuddling, something I knew from my earlier days was a huge red flag. I took these concerns to her pediatrican as well as her therapist who both relentlessly assured me it was completely normal for a child with torticollis to be delayed in meeting physical developmental milestones and that in time she would catch up. And the arching? Probably because everybody was stretching her neck and messing with her and she just didn't want to be touched. Okayyyyy. Still young and naieve I went along, but a mother knows and my gut would not stop twisting. I nagged her pediatrician for referrals to specialists " just to be sure" and he sent me every time, but I think it was just to shut me up. With each vist, whether it was the orthopaedic surgeon, the genetic specialist, or the neurologist, it was agreed that something wasn't right, but they all had their own theories and tests and at the end of the day, none of them had an answer.
Finally at 15 months, we were referred for an evaluation by Early Intervention. After more than a year of me telling doctors, therapists, specialists that something was wrong, there it was on a piece of paper, ink still wet from the printer.....Severe Developmental Delay in ALL areas. At 15 months of age, Camryn was functioning at a 5 month level at best. Although I knew it in my mind, print always makes it worse. I scooped up Camryn, who was still not walking, took the paper and sat in my car and cried. I looked back at Camryn, completely oblivious, and my heart ached.
A home teacher came out to the house twice a week to work with Cam. She sang her songs and read her books and truth be told, basically just gave me a break for a half hour. Cam wasn't progressing and two months later, at 18 months old, she started attending a center for developmentally disabled children 5 days a week. The first day I sobbed uncontrollably. Not so much for leaving her at a school for the first time, but for the reality that I had a child at this school. Not only was it in my face and on a paper, now it was official. My baby was "different" and here she was at this school for "different" children. I know it sounds so ugly, but that's where I was at that point in my life and I could do no more than cry all the way to the parking lot and then all the way home, grieving the loss of innocence.
It would be another year of living under the very large umbrella known as "Developmental Delay" before a new neurologist moved us to a slightly smaller umbrella known as PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). And 6 months after that, our permanent location under umbrella number 3, Autism. The word rang in my ears, pounded in my head and just about stopped my heart. And after he delivered that news, the neurologist proceeded with " her future looks grim" and as if I were in a canyon the phrase echoed through my head "future looks grim, future looks grim, future looks grim..." Obviously this guy was not going to take home "Sugar Coater of the Year", which I can appreciate, but DAMN! A glimmer of hope would be nice.
I am happy to say that on a return visit three years later, the doctor changed his prognosis and said that Camryn had come a lot further than he expected, although he poured salt in my very open wound of " You know she will never be able to live on her own". Yeah, I know.
So here we are, 7 years, another child and even a television show later (we were featured on Discovery Health in a series titled "Truth Be Told I Have a Child With Special Needs" in December of 2009). Life is....well..interesting. As with everything, there is good and bad, challenges and triumphs, ours are just a little different than the average family's. Hope you enjoy the ride!!