Yesterday I wrote about my Mother's Day and I mentioned in there that my Mom and I took her dogs for a walk in the morning. Well, while we were on the walk, we had a conversation with a lady that after it was over and my mom and I continued our walk I looked at her and said "I am sooooo blogging that!" So, here it is. ...
My mom has two Havanese puppies,Tux and Bella. They are cute as can be, but have been less than consistent when it comes to potty training, which has my mom less than thrilled with them. They are getting better, but they are almost a year old and you would think by now they would have it down. But whatever, so anyway, we are walking them along the sidewalks of Coffee Pot Bayou, which if you are familiar with the area you know is absolutely gorgeous! Brick streets, huge homes built in the 20's and 30's, each with their own architectural style and of course the bayou, lined with mangroves and home to all kinds of water birds. My mom lives about three blocks away on a beautiful tree lined street. Her little bungalow is the baby on the block, surrounded by much larger homes, you know, the kind of homes we all dream about living in. So, we are walking the dogs and we come upon this woman and her two daughters. She was about my age, early to mid 30's and that's where the similarities stop. She was about a size 2 in her khaki knee length skirt and cute little tee. She was freshly tanned and her toenails were a bright orange. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and then topped off with a sporty Nike visor. Her girls looked to be about 10. They were brunettes with clear blue eyes and freckle specked cheeks. Gorgeous girls! And did I mention they were identical twins? Why yes of course they were because that just makes their family even more adorable! They were out walking their dog, a shaggy, kinky haired Labradoodle who I'll call Pookie. Pookie is seven months old. When the woman saw Tux and Bella she got so excited because apparently she sees my mom walking them down her street everyday from her upstairs window, which means she obviously lives in one of those ridiculously huge homes. Okay, starting not to like this girl. But she's as sweet as can be, talking about how she thinks the pups are so cute and how they almost got a Havanese but her neighbor has one and it "pottied on the floor so that wasn't the dog for us" (insert cute little laugh here). Soooo, they ended up with Pookie and so far she has been wonderful. Meanwhile I am watching her daughters, who are waiting patiently with their scooters while she talks, extremely well behaved children! Camryn would have had the dogs in a headlock by now and Mason would have interrupted me at least twice telling me how hot she was and could we leave.
My mom tells her how she has been having problems with Tux and Bella getting potty trained and how she has tried everything she can think of including installing a doggy door in the laundry room where she keeps them during the day. Yet,she still comes home to accidents right by the door on a weekly basis and that she is at her wit's end with them. To which the woman says....Are you ready for this?? The cute, skinny, tan, woman who lives in a big beautiful house with her adorable identical perfectly behaved daughters says..." Really? Wow, Pookie just rings a bell when she wants to go out!" Rings a bell??? RINGS A BELL??? What??? And you have no idea how bad I wanted to say "Really, that's very interesting because my seven year old daughter still craps on her floor! Now do you think I could teach her to ring a bell!" But of course I didn't. Her remark was made in complete innoncence and for all the superficial perfection, who knew what issues she had going on in her own life. So instead, I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses, shook my head in amazement and said "Wow, rings a bell! How about that!! Well, nice to meet you. Bye now!" My mom and I waited till we were a good twenty feet down the sidewalk before we looked at each other and said "Rings a bell?" My mom felt the same way about it as I did, and agreed that keeping my remark to myself was probably the best idea. Yeah, I let her off easy this time, but if I run into her again and she tells me Pookie is reading, then look out cause it's on! ;)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Mother's Day the Way It Should Be
This past Sunday was Mother's Day and as usual I spent it without the kids. Now, some of you may be thinking "What kind of woman spends Mother's Day without her children?" A woman who wants to hold on to her sanity, that's who! I cannot tell you how many Mother's Days I have been out with my mom and seen women my age out for their special day with their kids and husbands and the kids are screaming and complaining and the poor mom is having to carry a thrashing child in the football hold out the door, while her Mother's Day meal turns cold at the table. I love my children dearly and the other 364 days of the year, they have my undivided attention (except for the Saturdays I occasionally get away to my moms for the night) , but on Mother's Day, I feel that if it truly is a day to celebrate Mom's, then let them have a day for themselves with no children in sight! And if they have a child with Autism, I say let them have the whole weekend with no sensory issues, frustrated meltdowns (from child and mother), or any of the other craziness that goes along with Autism for as far as the eye can see! And because I have an amazing husband who totally understands my need to "escape" every now and then, I spend Mother's Day by myself. Well, not by myself, but no one under 18 is allowed within a 20 foot radius of me.
This year I got together with a girlfriend of mine for dinner Saturday night and it was so much fun! Jennifer and I have not gone out together without our children for five years!! So, I think it would be an understatement to say we had some catching up to do! We ate at Moon Under Water in downtown St. Petersburg and sat outside enjoying the beautiful night. The weather was perfect, warm with a gentle breeze and the downtown was lively with people of all walks of life passing by and the horse drawn carriages parading past. We ordered wine and took our time going over the menu, in no rush to order. There were no kids whining about how hungry they were, and nobody having to go the bathroom every five minutes and more importantly nobody taking off their shoes and throwing them into the middle of the table, as Camryn likes to create her own centerpiece when we go out. No, on this night I had no worries of a meltdown over something so simple as Camryn wanting her plate to be taken off the table, or her throwing herself down in the aisle screaming because she was ready to go when the rest of us had hardly made a dent in our meal. There was none of that,in fact the only distraction was the waitress asking me if I wanted more wine and really, can that be counted as a distraction? I didn't think so. After dinner Jennifer and I went to another restaurant down the street where we sat outside and enjoyed coffee and dessert and talked and laughed and talked and laughed some more. We didn't get home until after midnight and you know what? That was fine because I was spending the night at my moms and no one was going to "scream me awake" in the morning and then greet me with a poopy pullup. And if I wanted to lay in bed in the morning and just lay there, no one was going to crawl on top of me and pinch my arms. No, not that morning and that is exactly how every mother should wake up on Mother's Day, when and how she wants. My mom and I took her dogs for a walk along beautiful Coffee Pot Bayou and then dressed up in sundresses and wedges for lunch with my brother at Sloppy Joes on Treasure Island beach. The day was gorgeous! Sunny and warm and the water was as blue as the sky. We sat outside and had lobster bisque and fish tacos and reminisced about our childhood. The three of us have never gone out together without the kids, so the dynamics were very different from the norm and it was so nice! I really enjoyed that time with my mom and brother and if only for a couple of hours I felt like a kid again, well a big kid, laughing about all the crazy things my brother did as a teenager and confessing to my mom that I had pulled a stunt or two myself back then. After lunch we went to the movies and saw "Death at a Funeral" which I highly reccommend if you are in need of a good laugh. Again, the three of us going to a movie together? Not gonna happen unless it's a Disney film and we have two little girls tagging along (Cams doesn't do movies). It was so nice to sit back in the theater and just let my mind go, not have to think, just laugh. It's a good thing.
Now while I was in Mother's Day heaven, my husband was at home with the kids enduring a little slice of hell. The kids were being kids and Cams was being Cams and that can make for a less than relaxing time. Brad is so good with the girls and is incredibly patient with Camryn (a common side effect of having an Autistic chid is an enlarged tolerance for just about everything). But our children could make the Pope curse. While Brad was sweeping and mopping and folding, the kids were behind him crunching and spilling and throwing. And while he was in the kitchen making dinner, Camryn was in the bathroom pouring a brand new bottle of spray conditioner into the toilet because apparently in Cam's world, that's what you call fun! And while he ran inside to get a spatula for the hotdogs, Camryn opened the grill and then turned it off, because she can do the in ten seconds, she's just that fast. And because Brad is amazing (and brave let's not forget brave) he took his mom AND the kids out to lunch on Mother's Day. They went to the Crab House and ate outside, which is always the best place to eat with Camryn and things went fairly well, except for the fact that the Mother's Day rose Brad's mom received from the hostess fell victim to Camryn and was merely a stem before they reached the table. R.I.P. little red rose :(
By the time I got home it was close to 9:00 p.m. and while I looked cute in my dress and sun-blushed cheeks, Brad looked like he had been running with the bulls. The house was sparkling , the kids were in bed and a freshly folded pile of laundry was sitting on our bed. I love that man!! And before I said "Thank you" or "The house looks great" I threw my arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear..."Only 43 days until Father's Day!"
This year I got together with a girlfriend of mine for dinner Saturday night and it was so much fun! Jennifer and I have not gone out together without our children for five years!! So, I think it would be an understatement to say we had some catching up to do! We ate at Moon Under Water in downtown St. Petersburg and sat outside enjoying the beautiful night. The weather was perfect, warm with a gentle breeze and the downtown was lively with people of all walks of life passing by and the horse drawn carriages parading past. We ordered wine and took our time going over the menu, in no rush to order. There were no kids whining about how hungry they were, and nobody having to go the bathroom every five minutes and more importantly nobody taking off their shoes and throwing them into the middle of the table, as Camryn likes to create her own centerpiece when we go out. No, on this night I had no worries of a meltdown over something so simple as Camryn wanting her plate to be taken off the table, or her throwing herself down in the aisle screaming because she was ready to go when the rest of us had hardly made a dent in our meal. There was none of that,in fact the only distraction was the waitress asking me if I wanted more wine and really, can that be counted as a distraction? I didn't think so. After dinner Jennifer and I went to another restaurant down the street where we sat outside and enjoyed coffee and dessert and talked and laughed and talked and laughed some more. We didn't get home until after midnight and you know what? That was fine because I was spending the night at my moms and no one was going to "scream me awake" in the morning and then greet me with a poopy pullup. And if I wanted to lay in bed in the morning and just lay there, no one was going to crawl on top of me and pinch my arms. No, not that morning and that is exactly how every mother should wake up on Mother's Day, when and how she wants. My mom and I took her dogs for a walk along beautiful Coffee Pot Bayou and then dressed up in sundresses and wedges for lunch with my brother at Sloppy Joes on Treasure Island beach. The day was gorgeous! Sunny and warm and the water was as blue as the sky. We sat outside and had lobster bisque and fish tacos and reminisced about our childhood. The three of us have never gone out together without the kids, so the dynamics were very different from the norm and it was so nice! I really enjoyed that time with my mom and brother and if only for a couple of hours I felt like a kid again, well a big kid, laughing about all the crazy things my brother did as a teenager and confessing to my mom that I had pulled a stunt or two myself back then. After lunch we went to the movies and saw "Death at a Funeral" which I highly reccommend if you are in need of a good laugh. Again, the three of us going to a movie together? Not gonna happen unless it's a Disney film and we have two little girls tagging along (Cams doesn't do movies). It was so nice to sit back in the theater and just let my mind go, not have to think, just laugh. It's a good thing.
Now while I was in Mother's Day heaven, my husband was at home with the kids enduring a little slice of hell. The kids were being kids and Cams was being Cams and that can make for a less than relaxing time. Brad is so good with the girls and is incredibly patient with Camryn (a common side effect of having an Autistic chid is an enlarged tolerance for just about everything). But our children could make the Pope curse. While Brad was sweeping and mopping and folding, the kids were behind him crunching and spilling and throwing. And while he was in the kitchen making dinner, Camryn was in the bathroom pouring a brand new bottle of spray conditioner into the toilet because apparently in Cam's world, that's what you call fun! And while he ran inside to get a spatula for the hotdogs, Camryn opened the grill and then turned it off, because she can do the in ten seconds, she's just that fast. And because Brad is amazing (and brave let's not forget brave) he took his mom AND the kids out to lunch on Mother's Day. They went to the Crab House and ate outside, which is always the best place to eat with Camryn and things went fairly well, except for the fact that the Mother's Day rose Brad's mom received from the hostess fell victim to Camryn and was merely a stem before they reached the table. R.I.P. little red rose :(
By the time I got home it was close to 9:00 p.m. and while I looked cute in my dress and sun-blushed cheeks, Brad looked like he had been running with the bulls. The house was sparkling , the kids were in bed and a freshly folded pile of laundry was sitting on our bed. I love that man!! And before I said "Thank you" or "The house looks great" I threw my arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear..."Only 43 days until Father's Day!"
Friday, May 7, 2010
Ode to Riley
So up till now I have tried to cover how all of us in the household deal with Camryn and how Autism affects our lives. But I realized that in the process I have left out one very important family member who deals with Camryn up close and personal and I mean reeeeeaaaall up close and personal on a daily basis, and that would be our beloved family dog, Riley, or Ry-Ry as Camryn calls her. We all have to deal with the unpleasant side of Camryns Autism and you wouldn't be a household resident if you didn't have at least three visible injuries inflicted by Cams, but Riley, Ry-ry, that poor dog has been through it. In the short time since we rescued her (ha!), Camryn has pulled, licked, tugged, pinched, squeezed, poked and God knows what else to her, with not so much as a whimper from her. And I'm sure she's thinking "I know I'm just a dog, and dogs aren't that smart, but when you rescue a dog from a shelter, doesn't that mean you take them to a safe and loving home? And you people, you got the love part down, but safe? Do you people have any idea what that child does to me? Well do you??" And if these thoughts do cross her mind, you'd never know it. A little over 80 pounds, she truly is a gentle giant. And we specifically wanted giant, because giant usually means durable and we've seen what happens to smaller, more fragile pets when Camryn comes in contact with them.
Ahhhh, where should I start. Well, when Camryn was 2 and Mason was 5 we fulfilled Masons biggest hope of becoming a proud pet owner and got her a cat. A smaller sized, calico whom she promptly named "Fruit Loop Candy Princess Walker", I would refer to her as Fruit Loop. Well, in the beginning all was well. After all, Cams was only two and I mean how much damage can a toddler do to a cat with sharp claws and super swift reflexes? Keep reading... Camryn was still in a crib at that time and in between her crib and Masons bed was a dresser. Well, one day, I like to refer to it as "the day Fruit Loop went down to 6 lives", Camryn climbed out of her crib and onto the dresser, where Fruit Loop happened to be. That girl grabbed the cat by the neck with both hands and squeezed with sheer delight, almost as if squeezing icing out of a pastry tube and when I walked through the door, to my horror, there was Fruit Loop, suspended in mid air, neck in a toddler vice like grip , her body dangling back and forth like a pendulum, BAM! three lives gone in a flash! And directly beneath her on Masons pillow? A big fresh pile of...poo. Yep, Camryn literally scared the sh*t out of that cat! I screamed and released her, and the poor thing ran like the wind. After that I don't know how many times that same scene was played out in different locations around the house. Eventually we let Fruit be an outside cat. She was totally declawed by this time and being outdoors in our neighborhood can be risky business for a clawless kitty. A family of bobcats live in the lot across the street and the coons around here are as big as dogs.But compared to the alternative of living within arms reach of Camryn, the cat gladly took her chances. And actually fared quite well for a few years until she got an infected scratch and we had to take her to a shelter.
Not too long after, Brad's Mom and husband moved down from North Carolina. Along with all their clothes and belongings, they brought their beagle mix Nicky (also an amazingly patient dog) and their beloved hamster Herman. This hamster was one for the record books, still going strong after 6 years! Brad's mom cared for him as if he were a dog, and even bathed him in the sink once a week scrubbing him with a toothbrush. Weird, I know, but the point is he was well cared for and even after a bumpy twelve hour ride in the back of a U-Haul he was lively and alert the day they pulled up at our house. Now we warned them about Camryn, and we told them it probably wouldn't be in Hermans best interest if they let Cam pet him, but they insisted on letting Camryn get right on in there with her sisters and give the little guy a stroke. And so she did. Give him a stroke, that is. But not the soft,gentle rub kind. No, it was more of blood clot, cut off the circulation to your brain kind. When no one was looking, including me, Camryn apparently gave Herman a good squeeze. Well, I say no one was looking, but Brad saw it all. And even though he had an "Oh sh*t !"moment in his head, he didn't say a word, just suggested Herman go back in his cage for the night. It didn't immediately take effect, as internal injuries usually take time to reach full severity and it wasn't until a few hours later as I was getting ready to serve dinner that we received the news that something was wrong with Herman. Seems he was lying on his side motionless except for a twitch of his legs every now and then. Now I love animals and all, but it was a 6 year old hamster and for all I knew it was dying of old age, it had a great life and now could it please pass so we could eat dinner. I know, horrible right? But my in-laws were terribly upset and the whole night was spent on Herman watch, with hourly updates on how the now wrapped in a washcloth sitting in my mother-in-laws lap hamster was doing. The next morning, I woke to learn Herman had gone on to hamster heaven. They buried him in our backyard (ew!) and mourned him for the days after. It wasn't until a week had gone by that Brad came clean. " I know what happened to Herman. Cam killed that hamster." He then told me what he had seen and Hermans quick demise soon began to make perfect sense. Well, we told them not to let her pet him!
From then, the assaults have been varied. A friend of mine was pet sitting a neighbors 9 week old retriever pup and invited me and the kids over to see him. We had been there literally two minutes before I said "We're leaving!" Seems Camryn was trying out her signature "pastry tube" move on the dogs neck and in absolute horrid embarrassment I apologized and offered to pay any vet bills before scurrying out the door. Then there was the time a man was walking his pug down our street. He gave the dog a little too much slack in the leash and well.... we were outside, Cams saw the dog and let's just say it's a good thing pugs don't have much of a neck. There was the chihuahua at the end of the street that wouldn't shut up and insisted on running out where Cam and I were walking. Pastry tube squeeze! And then of course, if you're a creature of smaller proportions and you happen to meet up with Cam, well you just don't stand a chance. Bugs, forget about it. Lizards, I don't even want to talk about it! And the fish at Petsmart swimming freely in the tanks with no lid? They're totally telling their grand-fish about the day they cheated death when a girl with pigtails reached into the tank and tried to grab a little guy and "give him a hug". Basically, if Cams gets at you, you're bound to leave a little less in tact than you came.And the smaller you are, the greater the damage.
The friend of mine who was pet sitting the retirever puppy recently got her kids a chihuahua. And not just a chihuahua, a teacup chihuahua that weighs all of 2 pounds! Now the only reason I know this is because 2 of our mutual friends told me she invited their kids over to see it. Was I offended we weren't asked to come over? Absolutely not! Camryn vs. a teacup chihuahua? That dog wouldn't stand a chance! And I can only imagine the conversation that would have followed..."Umm honey I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is Camryn broke a teacup. The worse news is it was a teacup chihuahua!"
She doesn't do it to be mean. In fact it's the complete opposite. We have saying around here that "Camryn loves things to death!" and that is exactly how and why it happens. So when Mason asked us for a dog we both answered a quick resounding "No!" Why endanger another innocent animals life? But after all the research I had seen about animals and the therapeutic effect they have on children with special needs, the idea of a dog became a little more appealing. And it was so unfair to deny Mason her greatest wish of owning a dog becuase Camryn couldn't handle it. It was just one more reason for her to resent her sister and Autism. So after much thought and consideration, we decided to start looking for one. We went to the local animal shelter with a list of requirements that had no more than two items on it...1.It must be a dog. 2.It must be a big dog. A really ig dog. Any four legged friend coming into our home needed to be big enough to withstand the affections of Camryn. Brad is the one who noticed Riley sitting patiently in her pen and after spending an hour with her out in the fenced in area we knew she was the one. We loaded her into the truck six months ago and have continued to be impressed with her gentle, forgiving nature and never ending patience. Along with all the craziness she puts up with from Natalie dressing her up in necklaces and tiaras to Mason trying to teach an old dog new tricks, the "abuse" she takes from Cams is amazing. Now Camryn also gives her "nice touches" in the form of open mouth kisses (disgusting!) and smooches on the nose. But mostly it's squeezes and pinches and using her as a bench. And Riley never so much as whimpers. I think she knows. She knows that Camryn can't help it and so she takes it, knowing that she will get belly rubs from Brad and doggy treats from me and when it comes down to it, that's a pretty good trade in dog reasoning.When Cams wakes up in the morning, the first words out of her mouth are "Ry-ry I wanna pet Ry Ry" "Shes black and white" "I like her eyebrows" And then after school it's the same thing. And even during school. All the school staff know about Ry-Ry and when I bring her in the car to pick up Mason, all of Cams teachers yell out "Ry Ry's here! Hi Ry-Ry"! I can't even remember what Camryn talked about before we had a dog. Riley makes her happy and when Cams is happy we are all happy. So Riley, this one's for you. Thanks for being such a loving, understanding part of our family. While humans may give us looks and make fun, you just accept Camryn and her way of loving and for that we love you! Good dog :)
Ahhhh, where should I start. Well, when Camryn was 2 and Mason was 5 we fulfilled Masons biggest hope of becoming a proud pet owner and got her a cat. A smaller sized, calico whom she promptly named "Fruit Loop Candy Princess Walker", I would refer to her as Fruit Loop. Well, in the beginning all was well. After all, Cams was only two and I mean how much damage can a toddler do to a cat with sharp claws and super swift reflexes? Keep reading... Camryn was still in a crib at that time and in between her crib and Masons bed was a dresser. Well, one day, I like to refer to it as "the day Fruit Loop went down to 6 lives", Camryn climbed out of her crib and onto the dresser, where Fruit Loop happened to be. That girl grabbed the cat by the neck with both hands and squeezed with sheer delight, almost as if squeezing icing out of a pastry tube and when I walked through the door, to my horror, there was Fruit Loop, suspended in mid air, neck in a toddler vice like grip , her body dangling back and forth like a pendulum, BAM! three lives gone in a flash! And directly beneath her on Masons pillow? A big fresh pile of...poo. Yep, Camryn literally scared the sh*t out of that cat! I screamed and released her, and the poor thing ran like the wind. After that I don't know how many times that same scene was played out in different locations around the house. Eventually we let Fruit be an outside cat. She was totally declawed by this time and being outdoors in our neighborhood can be risky business for a clawless kitty. A family of bobcats live in the lot across the street and the coons around here are as big as dogs.But compared to the alternative of living within arms reach of Camryn, the cat gladly took her chances. And actually fared quite well for a few years until she got an infected scratch and we had to take her to a shelter.
Not too long after, Brad's Mom and husband moved down from North Carolina. Along with all their clothes and belongings, they brought their beagle mix Nicky (also an amazingly patient dog) and their beloved hamster Herman. This hamster was one for the record books, still going strong after 6 years! Brad's mom cared for him as if he were a dog, and even bathed him in the sink once a week scrubbing him with a toothbrush. Weird, I know, but the point is he was well cared for and even after a bumpy twelve hour ride in the back of a U-Haul he was lively and alert the day they pulled up at our house. Now we warned them about Camryn, and we told them it probably wouldn't be in Hermans best interest if they let Cam pet him, but they insisted on letting Camryn get right on in there with her sisters and give the little guy a stroke. And so she did. Give him a stroke, that is. But not the soft,gentle rub kind. No, it was more of blood clot, cut off the circulation to your brain kind. When no one was looking, including me, Camryn apparently gave Herman a good squeeze. Well, I say no one was looking, but Brad saw it all. And even though he had an "Oh sh*t !"moment in his head, he didn't say a word, just suggested Herman go back in his cage for the night. It didn't immediately take effect, as internal injuries usually take time to reach full severity and it wasn't until a few hours later as I was getting ready to serve dinner that we received the news that something was wrong with Herman. Seems he was lying on his side motionless except for a twitch of his legs every now and then. Now I love animals and all, but it was a 6 year old hamster and for all I knew it was dying of old age, it had a great life and now could it please pass so we could eat dinner. I know, horrible right? But my in-laws were terribly upset and the whole night was spent on Herman watch, with hourly updates on how the now wrapped in a washcloth sitting in my mother-in-laws lap hamster was doing. The next morning, I woke to learn Herman had gone on to hamster heaven. They buried him in our backyard (ew!) and mourned him for the days after. It wasn't until a week had gone by that Brad came clean. " I know what happened to Herman. Cam killed that hamster." He then told me what he had seen and Hermans quick demise soon began to make perfect sense. Well, we told them not to let her pet him!
From then, the assaults have been varied. A friend of mine was pet sitting a neighbors 9 week old retriever pup and invited me and the kids over to see him. We had been there literally two minutes before I said "We're leaving!" Seems Camryn was trying out her signature "pastry tube" move on the dogs neck and in absolute horrid embarrassment I apologized and offered to pay any vet bills before scurrying out the door. Then there was the time a man was walking his pug down our street. He gave the dog a little too much slack in the leash and well.... we were outside, Cams saw the dog and let's just say it's a good thing pugs don't have much of a neck. There was the chihuahua at the end of the street that wouldn't shut up and insisted on running out where Cam and I were walking. Pastry tube squeeze! And then of course, if you're a creature of smaller proportions and you happen to meet up with Cam, well you just don't stand a chance. Bugs, forget about it. Lizards, I don't even want to talk about it! And the fish at Petsmart swimming freely in the tanks with no lid? They're totally telling their grand-fish about the day they cheated death when a girl with pigtails reached into the tank and tried to grab a little guy and "give him a hug". Basically, if Cams gets at you, you're bound to leave a little less in tact than you came.And the smaller you are, the greater the damage.
The friend of mine who was pet sitting the retirever puppy recently got her kids a chihuahua. And not just a chihuahua, a teacup chihuahua that weighs all of 2 pounds! Now the only reason I know this is because 2 of our mutual friends told me she invited their kids over to see it. Was I offended we weren't asked to come over? Absolutely not! Camryn vs. a teacup chihuahua? That dog wouldn't stand a chance! And I can only imagine the conversation that would have followed..."Umm honey I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is Camryn broke a teacup. The worse news is it was a teacup chihuahua!"
She doesn't do it to be mean. In fact it's the complete opposite. We have saying around here that "Camryn loves things to death!" and that is exactly how and why it happens. So when Mason asked us for a dog we both answered a quick resounding "No!" Why endanger another innocent animals life? But after all the research I had seen about animals and the therapeutic effect they have on children with special needs, the idea of a dog became a little more appealing. And it was so unfair to deny Mason her greatest wish of owning a dog becuase Camryn couldn't handle it. It was just one more reason for her to resent her sister and Autism. So after much thought and consideration, we decided to start looking for one. We went to the local animal shelter with a list of requirements that had no more than two items on it...1.It must be a dog. 2.It must be a big dog. A really ig dog. Any four legged friend coming into our home needed to be big enough to withstand the affections of Camryn. Brad is the one who noticed Riley sitting patiently in her pen and after spending an hour with her out in the fenced in area we knew she was the one. We loaded her into the truck six months ago and have continued to be impressed with her gentle, forgiving nature and never ending patience. Along with all the craziness she puts up with from Natalie dressing her up in necklaces and tiaras to Mason trying to teach an old dog new tricks, the "abuse" she takes from Cams is amazing. Now Camryn also gives her "nice touches" in the form of open mouth kisses (disgusting!) and smooches on the nose. But mostly it's squeezes and pinches and using her as a bench. And Riley never so much as whimpers. I think she knows. She knows that Camryn can't help it and so she takes it, knowing that she will get belly rubs from Brad and doggy treats from me and when it comes down to it, that's a pretty good trade in dog reasoning.When Cams wakes up in the morning, the first words out of her mouth are "Ry-ry I wanna pet Ry Ry" "Shes black and white" "I like her eyebrows" And then after school it's the same thing. And even during school. All the school staff know about Ry-Ry and when I bring her in the car to pick up Mason, all of Cams teachers yell out "Ry Ry's here! Hi Ry-Ry"! I can't even remember what Camryn talked about before we had a dog. Riley makes her happy and when Cams is happy we are all happy. So Riley, this one's for you. Thanks for being such a loving, understanding part of our family. While humans may give us looks and make fun, you just accept Camryn and her way of loving and for that we love you! Good dog :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
All Political Correctness Aside
When I first started this blog, my intent was to document the daily ins and outs of raising an Autistic child in a humorous tone,because if you know me then you know that's how I handle most everything...with humor. And though some of my entries have been light, most of them have turned out to be on a more serious note. I guess I just thought that in the beginning I should cover some of the more heavy topics so readers could really get a feel for how Autism has affected our lives. And in future posts, I plan on getting back to the lighter side, because if there is one thing I don't want, it's for this blog to sound like a whining post....except for today. Well not necessarily whining, but somewhere along those lines. And for those of you who read and don't have an Autistic child, I hope you will understand that every now and then, just to get through the day, week or month, us parents of the spectrum need to have a moment where we can lose the smiles, lose the "I'm fine" look and basically just lose our cool and say..." Ya know, this Autism thing sucks!" Ok, so there, I said it. Again, if you know me, then you know that while there are moments on an hourly basis where this thought runs back, forth and all through my mind, most of the time I try to focus on what's right with Autism, and most inportantly whats right with Camryn. But today, a perfectly harmless event put me in the mood for a tiny violin, you know that kind they play at pity parties, so I decided to go home,break out the bow and squeak out a few tunes. One of my very best girlfriends in the world has two little girls, the same age as Mason and Camryn...9 and 7. And of course since we have been friends, about five years, it has occured to me on several occasions that her youngest and Camryn, though the same age, are so far apart developmentally. But that has never stopped her from treating my girls the same she would treat anybody elses kids and in fact, she has gone out with my kids and me when Camryn has been screaming and biting and basically flipping out and she never bats an eye, which I why I love her so. And the fact that her daughter is always doing the things that Camryn would be doing if she weren't Autistic really never bothered me. When her little one called yesterday to invite me to the schools Authors Tea to watch her read a book she wrote, it took no more than a second for me to say "Yes!" I love those girls like they are my own. So, when I walked into the classroom this morning and looked around at all the little first graders dressed in fancy dresses and sunday suits, I was surprised that all of a sudden I felt sad. These little guys were Camryns age. Just like her they had toothless grins and dirty fingernails, each one of them cute as could be.And there they sat, quietly waiting their turn to read the masterpiece they had created for all their family and friends to hear. I just kep thinking, "This would be Camryn. This should be Camryn. But this is not Camryn." I really don't have these moments all that often anymore. I really have, for the most part, accepted that my 7 year old is different from that 7 year old and that seven year old and I am ususally okay with it. But for some reason today, I wasn't. And I think it's because I consider my friends daughter as one of mine. And looking at her up there, all dressed up, reading into the microphone like a big girl, I felt proud as if I were watching my own child, and then I remembered I wasn't. I was sitting in a regular education first grade classroom where Autism was a foreign word and IEP could stand for "Incredibly Excelling Pupils". There were no assistants to help with unruly kids, no time slot on the schedule reserved for Speech Therapy. No PEC boards or therpay balls. Nope this was first grade, the way it should be. And these were first graders, the way they should be, studying for spelling tests and complaining about homework. And while I was there watching them in all their first grader-ness, my first grader was across town in a Communcation Disorders class so far removed from this one. Spelling test? Let's master drawing a line first, then maybe we can talk letters. Homework? Ummmm, again, kinda hard to do when you don't read or write. She is nowhere near where these kids are and on any other day I could find a hundred positive things about her that make up for it. But not today, today I was just sad. Sad and jealous. And even though I smiled through it all, complimenting each one on their stories and outfits, I was dying inside. And as I congratulated each parent on their child and talked about how proud they must be, inside I was screaming "DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE? YOUR KID JUST STOOD UP THERE AND READ A BOOK HE WROTE HIMSELF! AND YOU JUST TAKE IT FOR GRANTED THAT HE CAN DO THAT AND TONIGHT YOU WILL PICK HIM UP FROM SCHOOL AND ASK HOW HIS DAY WAS AND HE'LL ANSWER YOU!!AND THEN YOU'LL GET HOME AND TELL HIM TO GO PLAY AND HE WILL! AND YOU'LL EAT DINNER AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM AT THE TABLE. AND THEN YOU WILL PUT HIM TO BED,NO PULLUP NEEDED AND KISS HIM GOODNIGHT AND WALK OUT THE DOOR WITHOUT PUTTING THE BABY GATE UP SO THAT HE WON'T GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SQUEEZE ALL THE SHAMPOO ALL OVER HIS BODY, PINCH AND SCRATCH HIS SISTERS,OR WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND WANDER AWAY!" Of course while all this was going on in my head, I was just nodding and smiling, saying "Uh-huh, mm-hmm". Anyhow, I feel better now. It's amazing how therapeutic writing in all CAPS can be! And now I am over it. Think it, feel it, let it go. Thought, felt, gone! I'm already on to what to make for dinner tonight and more importantly if while I'm cooking it Camryn will poop in her pants,pull off her panties,dump the poop on the floor and then step in it and make poopy footprints all around her room,an act she likes to reserve for the dinner cooking hour. Maybe, maybe not. That's the thing with Cams, she keeps me guessing and that keeps things interesting, far more interesting than studying for a spelling test or practicing flash cards.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What does Seventeen look like?
Well, we did the walk and it was a success!!! The shirts we made came out adorable, the weather was beatuiful (though a bit too warm) and the turnout was huge! When we first got there and I saw all the people gathered for this cause I got emotional. And I guess really, that is the point of these walks, along with raising money, because while you see Autims in the news all the time and you probably know someone who has a child with it, the grandiosity of it all cannot truly be felt until you see it in person. As in people, hundreds, thousands of them, all gathered toegether in one spot, wearing shirts adorned with their loved ones name or photo, holding signs and waving banners, all because someone they love has Autism. Some walk, some skip, some like Camryn even throw in a dance move or two. Moms and dads push strollers and pull wagons, siblings hold hands, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, friends and classmates, they all walk. Some because they want to find a cure, some because they want to find the reason and others just for support. And when you look around is oh so obvious that Autism is an Equal Opportunity Offender, as it knows no race or religion, has no social or economic requirements. I scanned the crowd, and saw several people that, had I met them on the street I would bet my last dime that we had nothing in common. But come to find out, that in fact we do. Something pretty important! About ten minutes into the walk, a young girl, I had guessed about 13, came over to me and grabbed my hand. I could tell by her facial expressions that she was Autistic and when she spoke there was no doubt. Her speech was very garbled and though I consider myself pretty fluent in Autism, most of what she said had to be translated by her mother. Turns out she was not 13, but 17 and her name was Alexis. She was happy and friendly and could so be Camryn in 10 years, something that made me happy and sad at the same time. Her hand was warm and she held mine tightly as we made our way down the street. Every now and then, she would leave me and reach for someone elses hand in the crowd, but I didn't take it personally as Camryn is a stranger-hand-grabber from way back! In fact, while Alexis held my hand, whose hand do you think her mother held? Why Camryn's of course! Halfway through the walk, we gave each others daughters back and that was it, I never saw them again, in person that is. I do however keep picturing Alexis in my head and I can still feel the way her hand felt in mine. As a mother, you never know what the future holds for your children, except for the fact that they will grow like their peers, finish school and eventually move on with their own lives. As the mother of an Autistic child, the future is even more vague, because Autism does not follow a clear cut path. Each case is so individualized, so unique and specific to that person, that you can have two kids with Autism and one grows up to be self sufficient while the other will always need assistance. It's just so hard to tell. And the future of an Autistic child who is a girl is even more baffling, because there are far fewer incidences of female Autism to follow and compare. Meeting Alexis kind of gave me a glimpse of what Cammy may be like as a teenager. They were similar in many ways with both of them being social and friendly, both of them wanting to hold hands and both of them appearing much younger than their age. And although it was impossible to know the struggles she had been through and what her issues were in the short time I was with her, it was clear that she was a happy child, a loving child and a much loved child. Which at the end of the day, is basically what you want for your kids. It was also clear that she was functioning well below her peers, that she would never be independent and that her mother, though obviously a great mom, was very,very tired. I knew Brad was watching, he was only a few feet away, but I didn't dare look at him, because I knew. I knew that he was looking at her and looking at Camryn and thinking that was her ten years from now. And I knew that he was sad and I just couldn't allow myself to go there right then. But I have gone there since and we talked and he was thinking those things,just as I did and turns out so did my mom, who also met Alexis. And although we never verbalized it, even though it makes us sad to think that when Camryns a teenager, while other girls her age are out driving Daddys car and trying on cute clothes, she will be grabbing strangers hands wanting them to smell "White Tiger", I know we all can find peace in knowing she will also be innocent, happy and carefree of the worries adolesence brings. But for now, all we can do is enjoy(most of the time that is) who she is today, like with any child. Her teen years are still far away and however she grows to be she will be loved. And to be perfectly honest, after the meltdown my so called "normal" nine going on fifteen year old daughter had this weekend, it's her adolesence,not Camryn's, that scares me. The back talk has started, the looks from hell are being cast and if I had a dime for every eye roll my mansion would be soo big, so I can only imagine what her "seventeen" is going to look like. And then of course, we have Natalie, who while still sweet as can be, I see major drama down the road. So after Mason drags us through adolesence hell and as we anticipate Natalies fall from grace, if at seventeen Camryn still needs me to tie her shoes or rescue an innocent bystander from a whiff of "White Tiger", than I say bring it on, these "normal" kids are killing me!!
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