What does Seventeen look like?

Well, we did the walk and it was a success!!! The shirts we made came out adorable, the weather was beatuiful (though a bit too warm) and the turnout was huge! When we first got there and I saw all the people gathered for this cause I got emotional. And I guess really, that is  the point of these walks, along with raising money, because while you see Autims in the news all the time and you probably know someone who has a child with it, the grandiosity of it all cannot truly be felt until you see it in person. As in people, hundreds, thousands of them, all gathered toegether in one spot, wearing shirts adorned with their loved ones name or photo, holding signs and waving banners, all because someone they love has Autism. Some walk, some skip, some like Camryn even throw in a dance move or two. Moms and dads push strollers and pull wagons, siblings hold hands, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, friends and classmates, they all walk. Some because they want to find a cure, some because they want to find the reason and others just for support. And when you look around  is oh so obvious that Autism is an Equal Opportunity Offender, as it knows no race or religion, has no social or economic requirements. I scanned the crowd, and saw several people that, had I met them on the street I would bet my last dime that we had nothing in common. But come to find out, that in fact we do. Something pretty important!  About ten minutes into the walk, a young girl, I had guessed about 13, came over to me and grabbed my hand. I could tell by her facial expressions that she was Autistic and when she spoke there was no doubt. Her speech was very garbled and though I consider myself pretty fluent in Autism, most of what she said had to be translated by her mother. Turns out she was not 13, but 17 and her name was Alexis. She was happy and friendly and could so be Camryn in 10 years, something that made me happy and sad at the same time. Her hand was warm and she held mine tightly as we made our way down the street. Every now and then, she would leave me and reach for someone elses hand in the crowd, but I didn't take it personally as Camryn is a stranger-hand-grabber from way back! In fact, while Alexis held my hand, whose hand do you think her mother held? Why Camryn's of course! Halfway through the walk, we gave each others daughters back and that was it, I never saw them again, in person that is. I do however keep picturing Alexis in my head and I can still feel the way her hand felt in mine. As a mother, you never know what the future holds for your children, except for the fact that they will grow like their peers, finish school and eventually move on with their own lives. As the mother of an Autistic child, the future is even more vague, because Autism does not follow a clear cut path. Each case is so individualized, so unique and specific to that person, that you can have two kids with Autism and one grows up to be self sufficient while the other will always need assistance. It's just so hard to tell. And the future of an Autistic child who is a girl is even more baffling, because there are far fewer incidences of female Autism to follow and compare. Meeting Alexis kind of gave me a glimpse of what Cammy may be like as a teenager. They were similar in many ways with both of them being social and friendly, both of them wanting to hold hands and both of them appearing much younger than their age. And although it was impossible to know the struggles she had been through and what her issues were in the short time I was with her, it was clear that she was a happy child, a loving child and a much loved child. Which at the end of the day, is basically what you want for your kids. It was also clear that she was functioning well below her peers, that she would never be independent and that her mother, though obviously a great mom, was very,very tired. I knew Brad was watching, he was only a few feet away, but I didn't dare look at him, because I knew. I knew that he was looking at her and looking at Camryn and  thinking that was her ten years from now. And I knew that he was sad and I just couldn't allow myself to go there right then. But I have gone there since and we talked and he was thinking those things,just as I did and turns out so did my mom, who also met Alexis. And although we never verbalized it, even though it makes us sad to think that when Camryns a teenager, while other girls her age are out driving Daddys car and trying on cute clothes, she will be grabbing strangers hands wanting them to smell "White Tiger", I know we all can find peace in knowing she will also be innocent, happy and carefree of the worries adolesence brings. But for now, all we can do is enjoy(most of the time that is) who she is today, like with any child. Her teen years are still far away and however she grows to be she will be loved. And to be perfectly honest, after the meltdown my so called "normal" nine going on fifteen year old daughter had this weekend, it's her adolesence,not Camryn's, that scares me. The back talk has started, the looks from hell are being cast and if I had a dime for every eye roll my mansion would be soo big, so I can only imagine what her "seventeen" is going to look like. And then of course, we have Natalie, who while still sweet as can be, I see major drama down the road. So after Mason drags us through adolesence hell and as we anticipate Natalies fall from grace, if at seventeen Camryn still needs me to tie her shoes or rescue an innocent bystander from a whiff of "White Tiger", than I say bring it on, these "normal" kids are killing me!!