Happy Holidays??

Ok I am going to try this again! I spent several hours working on a blog last week, taking breaks out of the day to type a sentence here and a paragraph there, even snuck in a few lines while the kids were home. I pushed the save button but for some reason it didn't work and when I went back later that night to finish it was gone! I was so disgusted that I couldn't bring myself to do it again until today,so one more time I am going to try and recap the very busy, very emotional month of December.....
In my last entry I told about our "Sensitive Santa" visit and touched briefly on Christmas with Autism. But now that the holidays are over and I can actually take a breath, looking back I can see that it is not just Christmas that is challenged, but the entire month of December as there seemed to be something nearly every day that had us dodging curveballs (or should I say snowballs?) and making me wonder if we would even make it to Christmas!
December 2nd we decided to get our Christmas tree. Although it is an ordeal, we always bring Camryn along because she is our child and we are trying to maintain some sort of normalness when it comes to things like that. In years past it has always been either me or Brad entertaining, containing, or restraining Camryn while the other one walks Mason and Nat through the maze of trees in search of the perfect pine. There is screaming, there is sweating and there is even some swearing, but at the end of the trip there is also a full, fragrant, Christmas tree tied to the roof of the car and headed home for adornment.
This year was a little different because we are back in St. Petersburg now, so we had options...you'll see what I mean in a minute. We decided to make a night of it and took the girls to dinner first. After we ate we went to Home Depot to let them pick out some holiday inflatables for the yard. We put Cam in the cart and the other two girls ran off towards big blown up Santas and snowmen. Brad supervised Mace and Nat as they argued over who would grace our front lawn, Rudolph or Snoopy and I kept a close eye on Cams. Even though she was in the cart, she still has the armspan of a condor and with several other families picking out yard decorations as well, I had to be on high alert so noone got assaulted. It's our own version of "Homeland Security". Twice as Brad and the girls pondered over their decision Cams tried to attack. Once on a small boy who walked past the cart and once on two kids who took me by surprise coming around the corner as we were headed towards it. I somehow managed to maneuver the cart into a sort of wheelie and saved them without them so much as knowing they were even in danger. I saw Brad out of the corner of my eye and he gave me a thumbs up on my fancy footwork. Mason and Nat were getting nowhere on picking a blow up and I didn't know how much longer I could keep the peace so we decided to get Rudolph and Snoopy and get on to the tree lot. Merry Christmas!
Even before we got out of the car, I knew there was going to be trouble. Seems someone thought it would be festive to bring their dogs with them to pick out their tree! Now, you all know by now Camryn's adoration for four legged furballs and as soon as she looked out her window and saw them she began to tweak. "I wanna see Bud Bud (my brothers dog is Buddy and these dogs looked like him)! I wanna give him licky face! I wanna be gentle with him!!!" She was going off and we hadn't even gotten out of the car. I could not believe it! Brad took Mace and Nat and I grabbed Cam. She only wants to be with me so it doesn't make any sense to try and have someone else hold her hand. It would only add to the commotion, so Cams and I headed toward the trees. The dogs were running loose because it would have been way too easy to have them on a leash, and of course they ran right up to us because come on, it wouldn't be Christmas if Cams didn't pull a few dog jowels. I didn't know these dogs and although they were goldens, which are mild mannered, they were big and I knew Cams wasn't going to play nice so I veered her away. She was screaming and digging her heels into the ground and I was clenching my teeth, thinking "I cannot believe this! Can we not even get a f*#%ing Christmas tree without Autism in our face?!" People were staring, Mason and Nat were getting upset and I was about to lose it. I finally said " I'm calling my mom!" Because she lived just down the street and I knew she was home, I was going to drop Cam off while we picked out the tree. Camryn had no interest in the trees whatsoever and I still had two other little girls who would remember this outing for the rest of their life so I was going to try and make it as pleasant as possible. We piled back in the car, dropped Camryn off for twenty minutes and went back to the lot where we wandered around lost in the scent of pine and the chatter of the girls deciding on the perfect tree and basked in the light of normalcy, it was so wonderful.
With Brad's work schedule so hectic, it was often me and the girls until about 8:00 every night. With so much time to fill and most nights it being too chilly to play outside I would take them to look at Christmas lights. We would put on holiday music, drive downtown and admire all the twinkling lights and decorations. Cams always has to sit up front when we all go in the car because no matter how you sit them, she can always reach her sisters and hurt them unless she is up front with me. Apparently unless we purchase a bus that's the way it's going to be. And because she is up front she always has access to the sun visor and the lighted vanity mirror.And for some reason only her Autism knows, the visor must always be down and the mirror always open, light on so she can watch herself move her tongue around or chew gum. In her time up front she has managed to outsmart the window lock system and repeatedly rolls the window up and then down and then up and then down for the length of the ride. So while we're out looking at lights the front seat is lit up like the sun and the sound of the automatic window hums over the Christmas Carols. It makes for a very interesting ride.
Every year we bake cookies for Santa. I did it as a child and have such fond memories of it and I want my girls to have the same. What we have done in the past is because we lived an hour and a half away I would leave Camryn with Brad and take Mace and Nat up to my moms and we would spend the day baking cookies. Now that we live by my mom again I decided to bring Camryn along to make cookies, knowing I could just take her home if it didn't work. Mace and Nat were excited to bake and we showed up at my moms with three rolls of dough. We sat at dining room table, floured it up and gave each of the girls a ball of dough. Camryn thought it was playdough and began making a snake out of it. Mace and Nat took turns using the rolling pin and as soon as they would get a piece neatly pressed, Camryn would reach over and tear off a piece shouting " Can I have more Playdough please?" Of course Mason and Nat would scream at her and start crying and then I would step in and fix their dough, get it rolled out again, they would cut out a shape and then Camryn would reach over again and rip it to pieces. At one point she threw the wooden rolling pin across the table and that was when I said " Okay we are done!" We gathered the deformed snowmen and mis-shapened Santas and put them in the oven where they baked into crunchy, golden blobs. Mace and Nat were crying, Camryn was screaming and tweaking and I was covered in flour, fighting back tears and so hating Autism! My mom had just Mason and Nat back the next day to try it again while I stayed home with Cam and ate the golden blobs.
Every year the local botanical gardens transforms into a lighted wonderland and invites the public to walk through. There is live music, hot chocolate and a few vendors. We have never gone but decided to try it this year.We were not the only ones with the idea and the park was packed, which was good for them but bad for us as that meant all the more potential victims for Camryn. Brad had to work so it was my mom, my aunt and her partner, me and the girls. I made sure to have Camryn by the hand at all times and then everyone else took turns keeping her other hand. It's the only way to do these things so no kids passing by get hurt. The lights were pretty and the night was beautiful. We stopped to hear the man singing, which Camryn loved! He was keeping the beat with his foot and Camryn kept shouting " He's tapping the ground!! He's tapping the ground!" Mason and Nat started dancing in the courtyard and I knew Camryn wanted to also but there were several toddlers dancing too and I couldn't risk them getting hurt, so I held Cams hand and let her jump to the music. After about fifteen minutes that wasn't enough and she started to try and get out of my hold. And then it just turned ugly and she was screaming and biting her hand and grimacing. There were so many people I knew someone was going to get hurt if we didn't leave so that's what we did. As we loaded into the car I felt defeated and not very Christmas-y at all.
Before the kids got out for winter break I tried to finish up all the Christmas shopping. I did alot of it online, which was very convenient. Mason's big ticket item this year was a Nintendo DSi. She has been wanting one forever and was hoping and praying Santa was gonna come through. She also wanted another outdoor playhouse, plastic animals to play with, a lava lamp, Zhu-Zhu pets, etc. Natalie wanted a play kitchen, a baby doll that eats, Zhu-Zhu pets, Weebles, dress up clothes and much more. And Cams, well when we asked Cams what she wanted she said as she says every year "Playdough". I am not even sure she understands what Santa is all about, but we still talk to her about it as we do her sisters. It is in vain though as we buy her toys because many Autistic children do not play with conventional toys. But I am her mommy and it's Christmas and I want her to have presents from "Santa" under the tree. So while I picked out Mason's DSi and Natalies ballerina dress, I also picked out Cams toys, only a little differently. Actually I went to several consignment stores and bought baby toys. Yep, baby toys or toddler toys. Things like cloth books, a plastic dash board with a steering wheel that when you turned it sang the alphabet and a green piano shaped like an alligator that we actually had a few years back when Camryn was three. They were not age appropriate but they were developmentally appropriate and I knew she would like them. And every time I would bring them to the counter to pay, the clerk would ask "How old is your baby?" To which I would answer "Seven."
Christmas Eve my aunt always has an open house. Friends and family come by and bring delicious food and everyone visits and socializes into the night. We go every year and every year it is a challenge because my aunt's house is like a china shop and Camryn is the bull. Because my aunt and her partner have no children their home may as well be a museum. And while everyone there is so kind and aware of Camryns needs, they don't know how to handle her and so Brad and I end up chasing her around the whole night, keeping her away from the open flame of the chimnea and out of the koi pond. We give a quick hello to friends as we fly past, but there is not much socializing or relaxing. We try to stay as long as we can but this year we only made it an hour and a half before we were exhausted and wished everyone a Merry Christmas as we hurried out the door.
Christmas morning was great. The kids tore into their gifts and were quite happy with their haul. That Santa, he's quite a guy! Everyone comes to our house on the holidays because...you guessed it, it's easier for Camryn. I would love to be able to head over to my moms for Christmas Dinner, but if Cam has a meltdown there is no area set up for just her, and my mom has two very small dogs that cause an issue as Camryn is constantly trying to get to them and we are constantly trying to keep her away. It's fine though, we have everyone over and open gifts and eat wonderful food. It is always a good time.
So with a month of hellish festivities under our belt, we only had one more night of the month or for that matter the year to get through...New Years Eve. And we could have just stayed home and rang in the new year with some sparklers and a pizza but why when we could just as easily get in one more hellish outing before the clock struck twelve? Yes, we decided to go to Busch Gardens for New Years Eve. It was the last day to use our annual pass and the park was open until 1:00 a.m., so our family along with my brother, his girlfriend Jackie and a family friend Pam headed off to the jungle. Camryn loves Busch Gardens, but I think we now know that she thinks the Sesame Street attraction at BG is all it's about. We told her we were going that morning and she immediately started tweaking and talking about Big Bird. We decided to stop at Burger King before we entered the park and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot Camryn started wailing " I wanna go to Busch Gardens"! We went inside and sat down to eat but Camryn shoved her chicken tenders in my face and just kept shouting out "Big Bird!! I wanna see Big Bird!!" I ended up taking her and my food out to the car while everyone finished up inside because she was creating quite a scene. I really should have let her know first we would be stopping at Burger King but I didn't and I will not be making that mistake again.
So we get to Busch Gardens and it is packed! The normal attendance is about 5,000 and that day they were expecting 30,000! I was very scared! We probably could have just stayed on the tram all day and Cam would have been happy. She loves and it and shouts "Woooooo!! Hold on!!" as it travels at a brisk 10mph through the parking lot. As soon as we entered the park I made sure to get our paper gold that allows us to go to the front of the line to avoid a meltdown and then we were off to Sesame Street. Camryn was so excited and happy and that is why we bring her, because she absolutely loves it! Because of the high attendance that day the lines were much longer than usual for the rides. As we approached the flying elephant ride I saw the line of moms and dads waiting with their ancy children. I also saw the looks we got as I exchanged my piece of paper for an immediate seat on the ride, but as I always say "I will gladly wait in line with your child while you go ahead with mine!" As the elephants went up in the air and spun around Cams bit her hand in excitement and squealed. She did really well when it came time to get off and we did a few more rides in Sesame Street before we moved on to another part of the park. But like I said before, Camryn thinks Sesame Street and Busch Gardens are one in the same, so leaving Sesame Street to Cams meant we were leaving Busch Gardens and so the whole walk through the park she kept shouting out "I wanna go to Busch Gardens!!!!"  She was not happy about leaving Big Bird and was having a hard time. I got her out of the stroller thinking that may help, but it didn't. She was gnawing on her fingers and arching her back as I led her to Jungala, the area where the White Tigers were. People were staring and kids were pointing as Camryn had a walking temper tantrum through the park. We finally made it to the tigers and she was temporarily satisifed. She pressed her face up to the glass and shouted "My name is White Tiger!! Nice to meet you! I wanna give him a hug!" The crowd laughed. After leaving the tigers we decided to ride Rhino Rally, which you may remember from a previous BG blog as the ride where we had to wait for about twenty minutes even with our special pass and it was horrendous. Well, we were assured up at Guest Services that it would be different this time and that we would be given a time to board the ride and just show up at that time. They lied. We got to the ride, showed our pass and were directed to a special holding area, like before. I felt nauseous. And just like before as soon as Camryn saw the jeeps that we would eventually be boarding she flipped out. I kept waiting for the man to get a clue and put us on immediately but he didn't. So there we were in a very unpleasantly familiar scenario waiting in a shorter but still lengthy line to board this ride while Camryn thrashed uncontrollably, bit her hand, screamed and all we could do is stand there for all the crowd to see. Actually though, I felt bad for the strangers among us because it was plain to see by the look on their faces that they were extremely uncomfortable and unsure of what to think. Camryn was still clinging to me to even though the rest of our group tried to console her, she wanted nothing to do with them and continued to meltdown in my arms. It was pure and utter hell. I told Brad this was the last time I was bringing her to Busch Gardens, I had had it! We finally were able to board and I vocally praised Jesus before we set out on the two minute ride.
After that the day went downhill for quite a while. Camryn continued to be in a funk. She didn't want to sit in the stroller but when I tried to hold her hand and walk with her she arched her back, bit her wrist and screamed. We were headed to the opposite side of the park to eat dinner so we had about a twenty minute walk with Camryn fighting me the entire way. I was so close to crying, but kept it together. We made it to the restaurant and Jackie managed to pry Camryn away from me while I got the food. Once she sat down and started eating she immediately calmed down. By that time it was about 6:30 and getting dark. We stayed until 9:30 and the last three hours were much calmer than earlier in the day. By the time we got home it was 10:00. Two hours till the New Year. We could not get the kids in bed fast enough and thankfully they were so tired they went to bed with little resistance. Brad and I ordered a pizza and were in the middle of a movie when 2011 made it's debut. A pretty uneventful way to ring in the new year, but after a day like that uneventful is good, very good. And if the rest of the year is as uneventful as it's first few hours that will be just fine, after all I need to get my rest, December will be here before I know it!