Chasing Dreams....

My kids are ages 9,7 and 4. They are that age for a reason, because four and a half years ago I birthed my last baby and made a promise to my body to never put it through that again. I cherished the times baby Natalie woke in the night for me to feed and hold her because I knew that was my last round of night duty and it would go so fast. And when she began to sleep through the night, I sang a round of "Hallelujah's!" before snuggling into my cozy bed for a full eight hour slumber.
Well....about a week ago all that changed. Apparently Camryn has been  feeling nostalgic for her early years and has called her inner child out to play, and because she is still a child herself that would make her inner child about six months old. So last Friday baby Camryn revisited the family, making her first appearance at the glorious hour of one a.m. Brad was out of town and I had just entered the good part of sleep, you know the part where you are perfectly positioned in your bed, the covers are tucked in at just the right places. The room is dark and cool and you are just about to be crowned Miss America and then "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I nearly jumped out of my skin! She does this alot,so you'd think I'd be used to it, but most times if I lay very still and ignore her she ends up going back to bed. I was as still as a leaf on the forest floor, hoping, praying I would hear her feet pounding on the wooden floor as she got back in bed. But nope, again "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh, Mamaaaaaaaaaa!" Camryns bedroom is directly next to Mason and Natalies so when Cam screams, we all hear it! And with no carpet in the house to muffle the wails, it's enough to make your ears bleed, really.
As I am making my way down the hallway, I hear Mason shout out "Beeeeeeee Quiettttttttttttttt!!!!" which only makes Camryn scream louder and harder which wakes up Natalie who starts crying which gets me wondering "Why did I have kids again?"
I open Cams gate and it's like letting a bull out of it's chute. She pounds through the darkened house in search of one thing....RyRy. I give Mason a quick lecture about how her screams only make Cams screams worse, tuck Nat back in bed and run off to find Cams, who is up in Rileys face saying "Cube cubes".
I check her pullup and sure enough, it's soaked. I put a dry one on her, give her a drink and take her back in her room. I go through the blanketing ritual...first the sheet, then the fleece blanket, then the quilt and last but not least the weighted blanket. I make sure she has her little blankie she's had since birth that she chews on and white tiger and then close the gate and tip-toe back to my room, desperately trying not to make a single sound. I climb toward my pillow like a leapord stalking it's prey and when I reach it, lay my head down as quietly as I can. I cover up, roll over, get comfy and then........I hear the crinkle of her weighted blanket being kicked off, her feet on the wood floor and I brace myself for the piercing screams. "Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I need help!!!!!!!!"  OMG!!! It's nearly two a.m. now. I repeat the actions I had taken just moments earlier and get back in bed only to be awakened at three and then four. By this time I am livid! I feel so bad because I have no idea what it wrong. Her forehead is cool, her pullup is dry, she has been fed and watered and tucked and patted and whatever else I can think of to get her to sleep. The only thing I haven't tried is meds. She takes Clonidine before bed to help her get to sleep and the half a pill lasts for three hours, by which time she should be in a deep enough sleep that she won't wake until morning. Well, that night it just wasn't happening and knowing that in three hours her sisters would be up and I was on duty all weekend while Brad was away was enough to make me grab that bottle and slip her another half a pill while feeling like a total loser, drugging my kid so I can get some sleep. Desperate measures, but let me tell you, these were some desperate times.
So I give her the Clonidine, layer her with blankets and lay down in hopes of sleeping more than one hour at a time. Well, she slept till seven, which gave me about two hours of uninterrupted sleep. She seemed none the worse for having the night from hell and during the day she didn't seem tired at all. I on the other hand was dragging and I was determined to sleep in peace that night so I took the girls to a nature park where they could run and play and basically use up any energy they had. Mason and Natalie walked the trails and ran around and Camryn pulled the wagon. We were there for three hours and then went to dinner. I let Camryn stay up late, sure that she would be nearly in a coma by ten and sleep through that night. Once the kids were all tucked in, I got this burst of energy at around eleven p.m. Had to be one of those so-tired-you're slap happy moments and in this impaired mental state I decided I would do all the laundry! Yep, all eight loads of it. So there I was just a washin' and a foldin', never mind that it was midnight and I had a serious deficiency of shut-eye. Surely Cams would sleep through, there was no way she wouldn't be exhausted after the previous night and the active day. I was totally counting my chickens before they hatched, only they were sheep and they were supposed to jump.
So one in the morning, the last load washed and folded I decide to get to bed. As the night before,I get super comfy in my bed, REM starts kicking in and then.....you guessed it! Crinkle,Pound, Wail! The Rice Krispies guys have nothing on Cams. And so my night went, much like the night before and for no reason I could see. And this pattern has continued, with last night making it six in a row. And the strangest thing is, Camryns teacher has commented every day what a wonderful day Cam had! What? She did so well she got to go to treasure box twice! Okay, so is the solution to Cams aggression that we never sleep? Is this a cruel joke? I know I have been praying for a solution to her behaviors but this really isn't what I had in mind.
I'm sure it's a crazy coincidence, but again, it's another one of the mysteries of Autism I'd love to decode.
Until we find out what the culprit is, I will be taking whatever preventative measures I can think of to get this girl in a serious slumber.
I'm going today to buy her flannel sheets and snug pajamas in the hopes that she is waking because she is cold and because of her sensory awareness issues she doesn't cover herself back up and this way she will stay warm and not awake from the chill.
I am also going to buy a sound machine and turn on some white noise tonight. Maybe it's too quiet at night (which by the way is the ONLY time it is ever too quiet around here).
And I will be stocking up on anything lavendar.... bath soap, lotion, fresh leaves to scatter on her pillow...whatever will get this child to sleep tonight! I am a very tired woman!
Hopefully tomorrow I will be writing about how I climbed Mt Everest and was on the Today Show to talk about it and when I showed up for my interview with Matt Lauer I was naked and then a tiger came on the set and chased me all the way back to my gingerbread house where a witch was waiting with dinner on the table because then it will mean I had a dream which means I'll have slept!! I already have my hiking boots ready!