Oh Crap!

I want to open this post with a prayer:

Dear God,
Remember all those times I prayed to you asking for fortune and fame and a perfect body? Well I have finally realized that those things are not what matters most in life, which must be why I have never received them, as you wanted me to appreciate the true blessings in life such as health, family and friends. And I do. But Lord, can you help me out with the whole Cam pooping in her pants thing now? I mean, it's been almost eight years!! I get it, no Mercedes, no talk show, no size two jeans. Okay, I'm cool with that. But please God, please, just a day without throwing another pair panties in the garbage  and scrubbing poop up off the floor would be such a blessing! Thank you Lord. Amen!

For those of you who may be thinking I am mocking prayer. I am not. I am truly thankful for the blessings in my life. I am healthy, surrounded by amazing friends and supported by a loving family. And I am so thankful. But people, seriously, I have been wiping butts for going on ten years now! I'm ready for a change, and I don't mean a new diaper!
Now in all fairness to Camryn, she has come a long way as far as the toileting issues go. While her having bowel movements in her pants is still a problem, thank God the days of using it as body paint and wall accents are over. Every parent has a story of when their kid had a blowout and then decorated their crib with the stuff. But I think if you ask around, most of the parents will say it happened when their kid was a toddler. I really don't come across too many moms telling stories of six year old Johnny playing with Lincoln Logs and then come to find out they weren't really "Lincoln" logs.
Camryn has only had one incident in the past several months where the poop made it out of the panties and onto places it should never,ever be. And for a while there, Cams was going days at a time with only using the toilet during day and waking up with just a wet pullup. But lately, there hasn't been a day go by without Camryn saying "Do you need a wipe honey?" while walking around with a big pile of poo in her pants. And this has been most interesting as my right arm, my good ole' wiping arm, is in a splint for my fractured wrist. With two good arms, getting the panties off without the poop smudging her legs or splatting to the floor is a real challenge, so having only one fully functioning hand takes it to a whole new level. And the whole time, Cam is squirming around, legs going everywhere, hands picking out remnants from places I really wish her hands wouldn't go. Me trying to avoid getting smeared while trying to get her feet out of her panties and keeping the poop in them. On a good day, with two good hands, I'm actually pretty good at keeping the glob in tact and transferring it from panties to toilet bowl, leaving nothing a good splash of bleach can't get rid of. But throw in the fact that one of my arms is wrapped to a plastic board and it would be easier to get Oprah and David Letterman together than my thumb and pointer finger and the whole smooth transfer thing goes down the drain, but not nearly as literally as I'd like.
Cam knows how to use the toilet. She knows how to say "I need to go poop" and she does it quite often. I can understand if we were out somewhere with no access to a restroom and she had an accident, but just yesterday she was at the table with crayons and then got up saying" I need a wipe honey" which means "I crapped in my pants and you're gonna need not just one wipe but several to clean my butt." Sorry, but that's what it means. And of course I do it without getting mad because that's my little girl and she doesn't do it to gross me out or buy her a pony. For whatever reason, be it she is learning a new skill so her toileting is taking a backseat ( no pun intended) right now or she is stressed about something and not able to be at her best for the moment. I don't know. I just really wish we could get this part of her delay over with as the bigger she gets the bigger her poop gets and I mean really...do I have to explain?
Because necessity is the mother of invention, I have been coming up with some pretty good ideas of contraptions that could be used in the cleaning up process and I must say, some of them are quite creative and I could probably make millions in the right market,which would be the answer to my prayers of fame and fortune. And because of the nature of the work my appetite would surely diminish, shrinking me down to my pre-baby size. Funny huh? I'm tellling you, God has got a great sense of humor. Yes Eve, you can  have everything you always thought you wanted, but you're gonna have to go through a whole lot of crap to get it! Well in that case, no thanks! Perspective changes everything.

So for today this is my wish, my desire, my prayer. If I cannot have a million dollar mansion, if I cannot have buns or thighs or something of steel, then Lord please, can we at least work something out where I don't have to duke it out with Cam's bowel movements every day and call it even?
 Whatever the answer, I will continue to deal with the accidents and clean them up the best I can. I will even continue to see the humor in it all, as without laughing I would surely be a permanent resident of the local loony bin. Just gotta face it. We all have **it to deal with. There's even the saying..."**it happens". I just happen to be dealing with the literal interptretation of it and boy does it stink!