That's it!!! I give up!!! I am done, finished, over it!! I have made up my mind and noone can talk me out of it! I quit!!! Oh, but wait, I can't quit because I am a mom and mom's can't quit or the world will fall off it's axis, orNiagara Falls will come to a halt, or something catastrophic like that!
The reason for my extreme frustration and hissy fit stems from the usual suspect around here...poop. Ten years people!! Ten years I have been cleaning up poop from bottoms, underwear and grout lines. And okay, if this is to be my fate for years to come than so be it, but dear God can I please take a shower without being summoned to a cleanup???
So yesterday I am in a long awaited shower. It had been a crazy day and after cleaning and laundry, walking out in the sunny weather and running after the kids I really needed a shower. And scheduling a shower while Camryn is home is akin to scheduling a shuttle launch....conditions must be precisely right! It was looking promising though...Camryn had been bathed, had eaten dinner and the most important thing to check off on the pre-launch inspection....she had pooped in the potty, so I felt pretty confident that although there would be screaming and crying when I put her in her room, the chances of a blowout were slim to nil.
Mason and Nat were down in the family room doing homework and for a brief but glorious moment all was right with the world. I stepped into the shower and lathered myself up. And I'm talking lathered! I have a lot of hair so it requires a lot of shampoo and conditioner and I always use a facial scrub, so the only thing free of suds were my eyes. I was totally enjoying the hot water pelting my shoulders and the tingly feeling of the scrub creeping into my pores AND THEN....... the dreaded words.... "I pooped. Mommy did you poop?" I was so mad!!! "You have got to be f***ing kidding me!!!" I said to myself as I frantically scrubbed the shampoo out of my hair and cream off my face. "Okay Camryn, I'm coming!!!" I shouted through the curtain. "Pooped.....I pooped honey!" she kept screaming from her room. "Just once I would like to take a f***ing shower without all this bulls**t!" Oh I was mad and had I been Catholic would have needed to go to confession for the amount of swearing that was going on as I rinsed off like a madwoman. Just as I grabbed a towel for my hair I heard Camryn say "Did you pee honey? I peed Mommy." And sure enough as I emerged from the bathroom stark naked except for the towel wrapped like a turban on my head there it was.....a big, squishy pile of poop swimming in a sea of urine, all with Camryn standing directly on top, like a candle on a really gross cake. I don't cuss in front of my kids, but the words that were going on under my breath would have made sailors blush. I honestly didn't know where to start, so I began with a big shout out to Mason and Natalie that they better stay where they were and if they came anywhere near the scene they would be in big trouble! I did not need any more of my children smeared in feces! I grabbed Camryn by her arm and held onto her as she lifted her feet out of the sticky poop.I led her to the bathroom leaving a trail of poopy footprints, over the bathroom rug which was then covered in poop and soooo going in the trash and into the bath. Before I sat her down I got about two inches from her face and very sternly said "WE DO NOT POOP ON THE FLOOR!!! WE POOP IN THE POTTY!! I AM VERY SAD WITH YOU!!!!" and then I whacked her bottom. She thought the words were funny but when I spanked her she cried, which is good because I knew she was crying that I was mad not because it hurt. I know it may sound horrible, but I cannot let her think it is okay to s**t all over her floor at eight years old. She knows better...I know she does. Either that or it is the biggest frickin coincidence in the world that EVERY time I get in the shower her bowels move. So I put her in the bath and head back to start the cleanup. Now mind you I am completely nude, and it is the middle of the afternoon so the blinds and curtains are open, and I am rushing through the house trying to get something to wipe this up with, but I couldn't have cared less who saw me or what they thought! I started to grab the paper towels but then realized that was never going to do so I grabbed a towel out of the closet and threw it on top of the mess. I checked in on Camryn in the bath to make sure she hadn't gotten a hold of the soap or shampoos and squeezed them all out in the tub as she loves to do and of course she had! Brads "man soap" as I refer to it was in her grip and by that time nearly empty as the surrounding water filled with manly smelling bubbles. Uuuuugggghhhh!! I grabbed the bottle, put it up high and went back to the mess.....and I was still nude. I decided just to cut my losses with the bath towel and the rug and throw them away. There is not enough Tide nor hot water in the world to convince me that all traces of poop would be gone after a couple rounds in the washing machine. I gathered them up very carefully so as not to get the poop on me and walked butt naked past my front window to the garbage can, then back to Cam's room with a bottle of spray bleach. About a hundred squirts later I felt I covered every possible area that might have been affected and then used almost an entire roll of paper towels to wipe up the room, the trail to the bathroom and the toilet seat where Cam had sat down for a brief moment before her spanking. I then walked through the living room again with a handful of nasty paper towels and as I was washing my hands in the kitchen sink, still naked as Lady Godiva, Mason decides to whistle at me and says "Nice outfit". I don't think you will be surprised to hear that I was NOT in the mood for joking and I let her know that as well. I went to get Camryn out of the tub and get her dried off. I put a clean pair of panties on her and told her she had to go in her room because she pooped on the floor and that was sad. She started crying and screaming so I closed the door and locked it, which was a suggestion given to me by a professional when asked what to do when she throws fits in her room. Door closed and locked, she then started banging her head against it screaming and saying "Did you bang your head honey?" I figured that after I got dressed I should also pack a small bag because surely DCF would be arriving any minute and that would be fine because I was so ready!! After about ten minutes the screaming stopped and I opened her door and let her out. I was now fully clothed at the relief of the neighbors and in need of another shower, but there was no way I was trying that again! I managed to keep the poop off everywhere but my hands and with about a half a bottle of liquid Dial I felt sanitized enough until this morning. Now that I was no longer cleaning up a crime scene in the buff, 'cause really that should be a crime, I was able to relax a little and find some humor in Mason's whistling epsiode. The whole time I was running around naked with towels covered in poop, Mason and Natalie were in the family room taking it all in. We don't save for college around here, we save for therapy because these little ladies are going to need lots of it!! We managed to salvage the evening by going for a drive over the famous
"thrill hill" and down by the waterfront. It was nearly dark by that time, but Camryn had her sunglasses on and a candy necklace stuffed completely into her mouth, string and all, just sitting there looking out the window sucking on the sugary beads. I looked over at her and laughed. At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, all the poop is cleaned and the urine mopped up, I know why I don't quit and it's sitting there right beside me and behind me, my three girls. As crazy as it gets, as gross as it gets, as ugly as it gets and it gets ugly (did I mention I was cleaning naked??) I know how blessed I am to be ringleader of this three ring circus and despite the hurdles and setbacks the show must go on.....and so it does.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
This Ones For You Trish and Kelley
From now on whenever we all go out to eat as a family we will be dining exclusively in restaurants that have karaoke. Not because Brad and I do a mean rendition of "I Got You Babe", although we do, but because apparently karaoke is to Camryn what Nintendo DS is to my other girls...completely and totally mesmerizing!
Last night was spirit night for Camp COAST at Mugs on Missouri in Clearwater. The owner "Abe" was kind enough to donate ten percent of all sales from four to eight p.m. to the camp, so of course all of us parents were trying to recruit as many hungry people as we could. I posted it on Facebook and two of my girlfriends from high school that I haven't seen in at least ten years signed on to go. These girls, Trish and Kelley, have been religious readers of my blog from the beginning and have even offered to babysit after reading about our struggles with Camryn and how it is hard to find someone to watch all three girls. They have followed our life for the past year through my posts and have "virtually" felt our pain as they read about Camryn's screaming fits in public, her aggression towards her sisters and other children and our hesitation to go out to restaurants with her as it can sometimes get very ugly. They have also read about what amazing girls Mason and Natalie are and how Autism is molding them into patient, caring, totally awesome girls. So when an opportunity came up to "reunite" after all these years and meet the girls they have been reading about for so long, plus help a great cause while doing it they were on board! Love them!! Brad had to work so my mom came along with me to help in case it got crazy. When we arrived at Mugs the place was packed, which was great for the camp! As soon as we walked through the doors, I heard singing that, while very good, was definitely not coming from the radio. It was karaoke and one of Camryn's fellow campers was up there singing her heart out as if Randy Jackson were sitting in the crowd. This particular little girl has Aspergers and is very high functioning and if I hadn't known her from the previous years camp I would have never in a million years thought her to be on the spectrum. Music is amazing! We headed towards the back and I saw Kelley and Trish along with Trish's two girls, who are the same age as Mason and Camryn. It was so great to see them and I went over to give them a hug. Camryn was looking all around, as there was alot going on. Her teachers from camp were at an adjoining table and they called her over. Her mouth was kind of hanging open and she had this look on her face like " I know I know you but who are you?" I was thinking the same thing. When I would take Cams to camp her teachers were always in their camp t-shirts, hair pulled back, no make-up, but out of their camp clothes I hardly recognized them so I can only imagine what Cam was thinking. She went over and leaned into them as her way of giving a hug. It was so loud in there with the crowd and the karaoke and I was nervous about how Camryn was going to do. Trish's girls, who I must say are completely adorable and so well mannered, were sitting at the table and once Camryn caught glimpse of them she headed towards them to "pet" them. I was only half a step behind because I could just see Trish driving all the way up to Mugs to support a camp for Camryn and then Cam drawing blood on one of her girls....it could totally happen. Trishs oldest daughter seemed to capture most of Cams interest, probably because she is blond and resembles Cams sisters. She started touching her hair and her face as my hand hovered above hers, ready to intervene if needed. And Trish's daughter was so sweet and understanding of Camryn's special need to pet her hair and rub her cheek. I waited for the scratch or the pinch and....it never happened! Wanting to keep the evening going in that direction I directed Camryn towards a table next to Kelley and Trish. There were only four seats and five of us, so in an unprecedented move I allowed Mason, Nat AND Camryn to sit at one table and my mom and I sat at the table directly behind them. This has never happened as an adult must always be with Camryn when there are other kids around, but last night Cam was in a groove, a good groove and I decided just to let her go and see what happened. Now mind you, Trish and Kelley are sitting right next to us, their heads filled with all my blogs about Camryns public tantrums and random abuse of neighboring children and there is my daughter, sitting calmly in her chair, eyes fixated on the karaoke stage, not moving except for the occasional hand clap or snap-a-long to the music. I could see the confusion in Trish and Kelley's eyes. "Are you sure this is the same kid you blog about?" they both asked. "Yes, I promise this is so out of character!This never happens!! Never" I replied. My mom chimed in at that time backing up my story because she too, like me, was shocked at Cams calm demeanor. But you know, it just goes to show you that kids, special needs or not, are universally the same as far as behaving one way for their parents and another for the rest of the world, usually reserving the ugly stuff for mom and dad. The evening carried on, and Cams just kept sitting in her seat enjoying the very loud sound of the singers onstage. Trishs girls sang several songs and once Cam saw that they were going up she kept saying "She wants a turn. Wait your turn honey" which meant she wanted to sing up there too. Well, not really sing, just hold the microphone, but still she wanted to be on that stage. I wanted to wait until we were ready to walk out the door in case things got ugly on stage. Trish and Kelley headed out and the girls and my mom and I finished up our food. With the bill paid and my keys in hand I led Cam up to the stage and asked the deejay if she could talk into the microphone. You would have thought this guy would have gotten a clue from the whole Camp COAST autism spirit night that maybe, just maybe, some of his singers would be autistic. But no, instead of saying "Sure she can, here sweetie have at it" he looked at Camryn and said "What song do you want to sing?" Cam just looked at him with a blank stare, then fixated back on the mic...she wanted to hold that microphone. He asked her again and I told him she probably wasn't going to sing, she just wanted to hold it, but this dude was insistent she pick a song so finally he put on "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". He gave Camryn the microphone and looked at her in all seriousness and said "Okay don't start until I tell you when." I was totally rolling my eyes in my head thinking this guy just doesn't get it! So he counts her in and the music starts and........nothing. Camryn is just standing there, mic in hand as the crowd watches in anticipation. Okay, this is awkward....so since I was up there anyway I started singing hoping she might join in. She totally knows the song, in fact she knows every song that has ever played on the radio when she's been with me. But Cams does not sing on demand. She will belt out a verse or two when you least expect it, like between bites at the dinner table, or in her bed when you think she is asleep, but never, ever when you ask her to. So there she stood, up on the stage she so wanted to stand on, beloved mic in her hands just straing out at the crowd and tweaking in delight. Every now and then she would put her lips directly on the microphone (ewwww!!) and make a pphhh sound and then once before the song ended she shouted "Here we go!!" but that was it. The crowd laughed, I laughed and Cam smiled and tweaked at the response. She had a great time and that was all that mattered. On the drive home she kept saying "I slept good last night. Mommy slept good last night" which is her way of saying she is beat. Brad was home by the time we got back and I told him how Cam totally threw us under the bus with her stellar behavior at the restaurant. He laughed and couldn't believe it either! We decided that we would totally incorporate karaoke into our family nights out if it meant peace, which is so strange because when I think of peace karaoke is the farthest thing from my mind. But whatever, it works for Cams. And we all know that if it works for Cams it works for us 'cause if Cam's ain't happy ain't nobody happy and last night we all wore a smile!!
Last night was spirit night for Camp COAST at Mugs on Missouri in Clearwater. The owner "Abe" was kind enough to donate ten percent of all sales from four to eight p.m. to the camp, so of course all of us parents were trying to recruit as many hungry people as we could. I posted it on Facebook and two of my girlfriends from high school that I haven't seen in at least ten years signed on to go. These girls, Trish and Kelley, have been religious readers of my blog from the beginning and have even offered to babysit after reading about our struggles with Camryn and how it is hard to find someone to watch all three girls. They have followed our life for the past year through my posts and have "virtually" felt our pain as they read about Camryn's screaming fits in public, her aggression towards her sisters and other children and our hesitation to go out to restaurants with her as it can sometimes get very ugly. They have also read about what amazing girls Mason and Natalie are and how Autism is molding them into patient, caring, totally awesome girls. So when an opportunity came up to "reunite" after all these years and meet the girls they have been reading about for so long, plus help a great cause while doing it they were on board! Love them!! Brad had to work so my mom came along with me to help in case it got crazy. When we arrived at Mugs the place was packed, which was great for the camp! As soon as we walked through the doors, I heard singing that, while very good, was definitely not coming from the radio. It was karaoke and one of Camryn's fellow campers was up there singing her heart out as if Randy Jackson were sitting in the crowd. This particular little girl has Aspergers and is very high functioning and if I hadn't known her from the previous years camp I would have never in a million years thought her to be on the spectrum. Music is amazing! We headed towards the back and I saw Kelley and Trish along with Trish's two girls, who are the same age as Mason and Camryn. It was so great to see them and I went over to give them a hug. Camryn was looking all around, as there was alot going on. Her teachers from camp were at an adjoining table and they called her over. Her mouth was kind of hanging open and she had this look on her face like " I know I know you but who are you?" I was thinking the same thing. When I would take Cams to camp her teachers were always in their camp t-shirts, hair pulled back, no make-up, but out of their camp clothes I hardly recognized them so I can only imagine what Cam was thinking. She went over and leaned into them as her way of giving a hug. It was so loud in there with the crowd and the karaoke and I was nervous about how Camryn was going to do. Trish's girls, who I must say are completely adorable and so well mannered, were sitting at the table and once Camryn caught glimpse of them she headed towards them to "pet" them. I was only half a step behind because I could just see Trish driving all the way up to Mugs to support a camp for Camryn and then Cam drawing blood on one of her girls....it could totally happen. Trishs oldest daughter seemed to capture most of Cams interest, probably because she is blond and resembles Cams sisters. She started touching her hair and her face as my hand hovered above hers, ready to intervene if needed. And Trish's daughter was so sweet and understanding of Camryn's special need to pet her hair and rub her cheek. I waited for the scratch or the pinch and....it never happened! Wanting to keep the evening going in that direction I directed Camryn towards a table next to Kelley and Trish. There were only four seats and five of us, so in an unprecedented move I allowed Mason, Nat AND Camryn to sit at one table and my mom and I sat at the table directly behind them. This has never happened as an adult must always be with Camryn when there are other kids around, but last night Cam was in a groove, a good groove and I decided just to let her go and see what happened. Now mind you, Trish and Kelley are sitting right next to us, their heads filled with all my blogs about Camryns public tantrums and random abuse of neighboring children and there is my daughter, sitting calmly in her chair, eyes fixated on the karaoke stage, not moving except for the occasional hand clap or snap-a-long to the music. I could see the confusion in Trish and Kelley's eyes. "Are you sure this is the same kid you blog about?" they both asked. "Yes, I promise this is so out of character!This never happens!! Never" I replied. My mom chimed in at that time backing up my story because she too, like me, was shocked at Cams calm demeanor. But you know, it just goes to show you that kids, special needs or not, are universally the same as far as behaving one way for their parents and another for the rest of the world, usually reserving the ugly stuff for mom and dad. The evening carried on, and Cams just kept sitting in her seat enjoying the very loud sound of the singers onstage. Trishs girls sang several songs and once Cam saw that they were going up she kept saying "She wants a turn. Wait your turn honey" which meant she wanted to sing up there too. Well, not really sing, just hold the microphone, but still she wanted to be on that stage. I wanted to wait until we were ready to walk out the door in case things got ugly on stage. Trish and Kelley headed out and the girls and my mom and I finished up our food. With the bill paid and my keys in hand I led Cam up to the stage and asked the deejay if she could talk into the microphone. You would have thought this guy would have gotten a clue from the whole Camp COAST autism spirit night that maybe, just maybe, some of his singers would be autistic. But no, instead of saying "Sure she can, here sweetie have at it" he looked at Camryn and said "What song do you want to sing?" Cam just looked at him with a blank stare, then fixated back on the mic...she wanted to hold that microphone. He asked her again and I told him she probably wasn't going to sing, she just wanted to hold it, but this dude was insistent she pick a song so finally he put on "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". He gave Camryn the microphone and looked at her in all seriousness and said "Okay don't start until I tell you when." I was totally rolling my eyes in my head thinking this guy just doesn't get it! So he counts her in and the music starts and........nothing. Camryn is just standing there, mic in hand as the crowd watches in anticipation. Okay, this is awkward....so since I was up there anyway I started singing hoping she might join in. She totally knows the song, in fact she knows every song that has ever played on the radio when she's been with me. But Cams does not sing on demand. She will belt out a verse or two when you least expect it, like between bites at the dinner table, or in her bed when you think she is asleep, but never, ever when you ask her to. So there she stood, up on the stage she so wanted to stand on, beloved mic in her hands just straing out at the crowd and tweaking in delight. Every now and then she would put her lips directly on the microphone (ewwww!!) and make a pphhh sound and then once before the song ended she shouted "Here we go!!" but that was it. The crowd laughed, I laughed and Cam smiled and tweaked at the response. She had a great time and that was all that mattered. On the drive home she kept saying "I slept good last night. Mommy slept good last night" which is her way of saying she is beat. Brad was home by the time we got back and I told him how Cam totally threw us under the bus with her stellar behavior at the restaurant. He laughed and couldn't believe it either! We decided that we would totally incorporate karaoke into our family nights out if it meant peace, which is so strange because when I think of peace karaoke is the farthest thing from my mind. But whatever, it works for Cams. And we all know that if it works for Cams it works for us 'cause if Cam's ain't happy ain't nobody happy and last night we all wore a smile!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Not So Perfect 10
This past Sunday was Mason's tenth birthday. Tenth birthday!! Where did the time go? And while we always make a big fuss about birthdays around here, we wanted to make a REALLY big fuss about this one, I mean come on, we're talking double digits now! Mason wanted to go to Universal Studio's to celebrate and since we only live an hour or so away we agreed to take her for the day. One of her requests was that we take her alone, no sisters to steal the limelight, but that was going to be a tougher wish to grant. We had planned on bringing Natalie along to share in the experience knowing that there would be areas set up for kids to play in and Mason wouldn't want to do it alone and also because Nat knew we were going and it wouldn't be fair to leave her at home when she had seen Mason browsing online at all the cool rides and shows at Universal. And we knew that even though she thought she wouldn't want Nat tagging along, once we got there she would be so glad she had another kid to play with. Now with Cam-a-rama it was a different story. Anyone familiar with this this blog knows of our "theme park issues". When you take Camryn to an attraction, you become an attraction yourself with all the screaming and hand biting. It's an undertaking for sure. We do it because it's important for us to include her in some family outings even when we know it's not going to be good. But there are times when we don't include her and not because we don't love her or don't want her to experience what her sisters do, but because sometimes you just don't want to deal with all of the craziness and difficulties that can and do occur when she is in certain situations. And being that this was Mason's special day and we wanted to really be able to focus on her we decided to leave Cam with my Mom for the day and give our time to Mace. At first my Mom wasn't sure she'd be able to watch Camryn all day so Brad had said that if that were the case we would take Camryn with us and he would be on "Cam duty" all day. To which I replied "Honey, that is sweet but then that is like me going to Universal with Mason and Nat and you going to Universal with Camryn and that defeats the entire purpose of going!" He is a great Dad and wanted Mace to have her day no matter what, so then he proposed staying home with Camryn and I could take her sisters to Universal so they could still go. To which I said "Honey, I think you are missing the point here. One of the reasons Mason wants to go is so she can have a day with her Mom and Dad together without the constant distraction of Autism." He knew that, but he also knew there was a possibility it wasn't going to be able to happen and he was trying to make sure she still got to go. It turned out though, that my Mom was going to be able to watch Cam and so all was on track for the four of us to head up to Orlando for the day and have some fun. Saturday Mason woke up with a sore throat. I swear germs keep a calendar. Saturday happened to be my Mom's birthday and Jackie's as well and and Mace and I were supposed to go to dinner with them as a birthday girls night out. It's something we do every year. We were going to go the "Melting Pot" because we thought Mason would get a kick out of it and she was so excited about the evening. I kept telling her maybe her throat would feel better if she rested all day, so she did, but I knew this was going nowhere good. By four o'clock the decision was made that she would stay home with Brad and her sisters and I would take my mom and Jackie out to dinner somewhere else, saving the "Melting Pot" for when she felt better.She was bummed, but knew she was too sick to go. Sunday morning I came in to sing "Happy Birthday" and her nose was red and raw from blowing it so much. She had circles under her eyes and I knew Univeral was out of the picture. She knew it too and although she was disappointed she knew it was for the best. However it was still her birthday and we were still going to do something special, just local special, not hour and a half away special. My mom was still on board for watching Cams because even though we weren't going to a theme park, we were still going out amongst the masses and when that happens there is always a good chance of trouble. Cam was at her gate waiting for me to open it and I took one look at her and knew this bug was going to be pulling a double shift. Her eyes were dripping, her nose was dripping, she was a mess. She was coughing and sneezing up a storm. I touched her head and she took my hand, brought it to her cheek and said "Are you sick honey?" I knew it. One of the things about Autism is that if you're child can't communicate correctly then they are not able to tell you when they are sick and what exactly is feeling bad. She could have strep throat for all I know and not be able to say "My throat is hurting." I just have to pay real close attention to her non-verbal cues to see if I can tell what's bothering her. Obviously she was stuffed up and with her eyes watering and her nose dripping, I had to assume her throat was at the very least itchy. I gave her some Benadryl and put her in a tepid bath. I called my Mom to see if she would still watch her for a bit and she said she would. Cam didn't have a fever and although it was obvious she didn't feel up to par she was still talking and very active. We dropped her off at my moms and then headed out to T.G.I.Fridays for lunch. Mason ordered chicken fingers, her favorite, but picked at her meal. She didn't have much of an appetite and when the waiters sang "Happy Birthday" and placed a gargantuan bowl of vanilla ice cream drizzled in chocolate and caramel in front of her she smiled, but took two bites and pushed it aside. No worries though, Nat finished for her. I felt so bad though. Ten is such a monumental birthday and one she would remember, however this one was turning out to me memorable for all the worng reasons. Nest stop was Toys R Us. Mace had gotten one of those awesome birthday cards where when you open them up money falls out ...love those cards! As we walked through the doors Brad's eyes widened and his face lit up as he said "I don't think I have ever been to Toys R Us without Camryn!! This is going to be so much fun!" I know, sad right? It's true though, taking Cam there is super stressful and you can never let your guard down, so this time we would be able to actually stroll and browse, two things you don't do with Cams. Mace picked out a toy, but I could tell she was not feeling up to par. After that Mace wanted to go to the mall, a mall I hadn't been to in five years. Since I grew up here, I spent much of my childhood at that mall and alot of good memories were made there so I was excited to go. And again, the mall doesn't even come up in conversation with Cam because...it just doesn't. So we took the girls and they rode the little train and we went to the toy store and they got icee's. It was a great time, but Mason was slowing down. My mom called to say that Camryn had thrown up in her car and was hot and sniffly. Yay. We headed straight home and when we walked in the house poor Cams cheeks were bright red and her eyes were dripping. Her skin was clammy and warm and she immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and shimmied up me like I was a coconut palm. My mom said Camryn had hardly eaten which is a HUGE red flag that she doesn't feel well because the girl doesn't turn away food. That made me wonder if her throat was sore so I asked her and she grabbed my hand, put it on her cheek and whined. It is so frustrating to not know what is hurting your child. I gave her some Advil just to cover whatever pain she may be having and sat down on the couch with her. I held her like you'd hold a baby with a bottle. She curled up to me and lay there like a heavy sack, going in and out of sleep. It was totally out of character for her because one...she doesn't fall asleep unless she is in bed and two...she doesn't lay still for more than two minutes at a time. I could tell we had a second sick girl on our hands. Nat was in the clear because she had been sick the week before and was probably the one who had done like Mommy always tells her to and shared. With Camryn laying there and Mason looking at me with her pale face I knew I needed to get some Chicken and Stars soup pronto, not to mention some cupcakes,after all it was still a birthday! It was also Superbowl Sunday and Brad was all geared up to watch the game so I said I would go to the store. He told me to lay Camryn on him and I knew that wasn't happening. Camryn is Mama's girl and there was no way she was going to lay like this on Brad..... but she did! That scared me because for her to be moved so easily and know I was leaving and not get upset meant she was really sick and not being able to have her tell me how she felt was very worrisome. I got the soup, they ate the cupcakes and we put them all to bed. I prayed the morning would be off to a better start and when they woke although they were not a hundred percent, they were well enough for school. We have rescheduled Universal for next week and hopefully we all stay well. I can't wait to take Mace and watch how much fun she and her sister will have as they roam the themepark and take in the sights. Turning ten is big, really big and for Mace they haven't been your typical ten years. She has had to deal with alot in her short time and I am so, so proud of the wonderful young lady she is growing into. She is an incredible big sister to not just Natalie but Camryn as well and the way she interacts with them amazes me. I cannot wait to see how their relationship will grow in the next ten years. So Happy 10th Birthday Mason Noel Walker!! I love you!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
We Have Finally Gone Postal!
So today I am going to do a little "back-blogging", which I am not sure is even a real term. I meant to write about this immediately after it happened, but you know how that goes. Two weeks ago I got a message from God. Okay, well not really God himself, but a message from heaven. Well, maybe not the actual up in the sky, eternal life heaven, but from a heaven -like place. Basically I got a call from PARC (Pinellas Association for Retarded Citizens) telling me that they had found a respite worker for us and that she would start the following week! Can I get a Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah,Hallelujah, Halleeeeelujahhhhhh!!!!
Finally after all these years of trying to hunt down this elusive respite I kept hearing about I found it. Actually I found it way back in June after we moved back to Pinellas County, however as you can imagine there is quite a waiting list. As a matter of fact, at the time of my initial inquiry the case worker had 175 people ahead of me before she could even take one bit of information about our needs. But after waiting as long as we already had, just knowing we were even on any kind of waiting list was enough to ease my respite restlessness and so I kept my phone close at all times, waiting to get the call.
Some of you may be wondering what in the heck I am talking about, so let me explain. Respite refers to childcare for families with special needs children. It is a program paid for by the state and basically what it does is provide families like ours a babysitter for up to twenty hours a month at no cost. The "workers" are screened, trained indiviuals who are required to know CPR and first aid as well as have some sort of knowledge about the special needs they may be caring for. And like any service that provides relief to those in need there is always a wait. The woman in charge of the program told me that they were in desperate need of workers and to tell anybody I could think of if they were looking for work she had some. Of course, this is not a job for just anybody. You have to love kids because it's not a job you do for the meager salary it pays. And you also must be extremely patient and caring, because some of these children have some serious issues that require the heart of a saint. When I got a call back in October saying they were now ready to take our information I was thrilled and started planning how we were going to fill those glorious twenty hours each month! The supervisor came out to our house, asked me every intimate detail about Camryn's life you can imagine and then told me that because Camryn can be aggressive, she would require a level two worker and those were harder to come by. Of course! But she saw the look of desperation in my eyes and promised she would get us some respite as soon as she could.
Well, fast forward to two weeks ago. I got the call that she had found someone and to expect a call from them within the next couple of days to set up a schedule. I felt like I had won the lottery! I was dancing and singing and on cloud nine! For twenty hours, TWENTY HOURS a month we would have childcare for Camryn for free!!! I immediately called Brad to share the news. He was thrilled as well and we started planning how we would make use of the time. The thing with the repsite workers though is that they have more than one family they provide care for. And our worker already had two families in her schedule so we would have to take the days and times she had open, which turned out to be Tuesdays and Thursdays. But when you're beggin' you can't be choosin' so we gladly set up a schedule for those days and anxiously awaited out first respite session.
So last Monday, one day before the big night, I happened to catch a glimpse of the weather forecast and noticed a monstrous storm system looming out in the Gulf of Mexico. The weatherman put the radar in motion and pointed out how by Tuesday afternoon Tampa Bay would be in the middle of some serious weather. Like really serious, as in tornadoes. My mouth was hanging open in disbelief! Is this for real? Well, I didn't care, there was no way I going to cancel our first night of respite because of some thunderstorm and half the time the news makes way more out of these things than they turn out to be, so I switched the channel and proceeded with my plans. Tuesday morning was beautiful. Sunny, in the seventies and breezy. As I put Cam's on the bus her driver began talking about the bad weather coming in later, and then the bus assistant chimed in with "Yeah, they're saying tornados and hail! Whooo! It's gonna be bad!" "Would she just shut up?" I kept thinking. If you're gonna rain on my parade could you at least wait until there is actually some rain? I told them that if the weather was bad I would pick Camryn up from school myself because I don't like her on the bus in those conditions, but come two o'clock, the sun was still shining and although it was now more what I would call windy instead of breezy, I saw no "stormageddon" looming on the horizon. Tuesday nights Mason has an art class at a friends house. Because of all the chatter about this storm I decided to call Dale, the "teacher" and see if she had any concerns over the weather and was class still on. She said she had heard the forecast but as of then class was a go. Great! Now, even though the respite worker is hired solely as Camryn's caretaker, she did agree to watch Mason and Natalie on occasion along with Camryn as long as they were well behaved. But because this was our first night and I really wanted the focus to be on Cams, I had arranged for Natalie to go to my mom's house and then for Mason to go there after art, which is super convenient because Dale lives right next door to my mom. So I had Mace and Nat accounted for and Cam would be at home, which left only Brad and I which meant party time!!! We had planned to go to dinner at our favorite restaurant Red Mesa and I could already taste the salty chips and fresh salsa. I couldn't wait!
By this time it was about 4:30 and the sky was grey, but dry. Amanda, our respite worker, was coming at five and she and I had also talked earlier in the day because although I was determined to take full advantage of this first night of respite, I also have a heart and did not want Amanda to be out in bad weather if she felt uncomfortable with it. It wasn't a problem for her so we just left it that unless it got really bad she would still come. At 4:45 it began to rain, but just lightly. Mason was ready for art, Nat was ready for Gigo's and Cam's was eagerly awaiting Ms. Amanda's arrival. She had met Amanda the week before when she came out for a "meet and greet" so she was excited to see her again. And I was ready for my date! 5:00, Amanda pulls in the drive and the sky is black. The wind had really picked up and the rain was coming down at a more steady pace. Before we left I told her if she felt uneasy about the weather to please call us and we would come home to which she replied" Eve, go have fun. Cams and I will be fine!" I love her! Brad took the girls out to his truck and I stayed inside just to go over Cams meds. schedule and nightly routine. By the time I headed out that big monster storm I had seen on the radar twenty four hours earlier was now in my front yard. I made a run for the truck as the wind pelted rain at me from every direction. Lightning was crashing down around me and I was screaming because I am absolutely petrified of lightning. Right in front of the door of the truck where I was to get in was a huge puddle. I sloshed through it and climbed up into my seat soaking wet. By this time, visibility was about your hand in front of your face. I turned the wipers to their highest level and put the truck in reverse.Brad was on a business call so I was the one driving. Mason and Nat were freaking out in the back talking about floods and tornados and every other bad weather related fear they could think of. I headed slowly out of the neighborhood, wondering should we still go. But it was one of those things where you question it, but only as you are proceeding on with the event in question. Dale hadn't called to say art was cancelled so it couldn't be that bad. We live in a low lying part of town, so the streets flood very easily. I had only gotten to the end of the block when already the gutters were overflowing and the street began to disappear beneath ripples of water. I headed out towards 4th street, a main road in St. Pete and the one my mom lives off of. I was no more than a block away when my phone rang and I answered it to hear my mother screaming "Eve, Oh My God there's a tornado on 4th street heading towards downtown! I'm in my closet with the dogs, get off the street!" Well of course I freaked out, who wouldn't and I shouted in the truck "There's a tornado coming this way!!!!" I put the truck in reverse and hit the gas. Mason and Natalie were screaming and crying, Brad was trying to calm them down and I am trying to figure out where to go that is safe. We are still in our neighborhood, so I drive back to the house in a panic. I pulled up out front and tried to call Amanda but she didn't pick up her phone. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I called my mom back to see if she knew where the tornado was only to hear her say that now she couldn't see anything on the news about a tornado but she had sworn they had said there was one in the area. Well, if there was no tornado and we were already in the car then I was going to try this again. I pulled out of the drive and headed back towards my moms. The streets were flooded but Brad's truck is high so it was okay. Lightning was flashing and the winds were howling and there we were making our way down the street at about twenty miles an hour. Wow are we pathetic! About two blocks from my moms Dale called to see if I had gotten her message about cancelling art class. No, I hadn't. We were so close to my mom's and going back would be foolish now, so we kept on. The girls were still freaking out, but I knew they would calm down once they got to Gigo's. She met us at her front door with an umbrella and I took turns getting the girls out of the truck and walking them up to the house. My mom looked like she had aged ten years, her face frazzled and her hair a mess. Apparently, there had been a tornado, but not where she thought. Regardless, she raced to her closet and huddled there with her two Havanese shaking like leaves. I couldn't help but laugh...it was funny! By this time it was 6:00, an hour of respite had already passed and we hadn't done anything fun yet! The girls were happy to be at my mom's so Brad and I headed out and braved the flooded streets and flashing skies again making our way to the Mesa. There were about five other cars in the parking lot, which made me feel a little less of a loser knowing we weren't the only fools out in this weather. Our waitress came over and said "Either you are really, really hungry or you don't get out much!" "You don't even want to know" I said. I called Amanda and all was well with Camryn. Knowing that all the kids were content, I was able to relax. We ordered chips and salsa, ate our meal leisurely and even fit in coffee and dessert. The weather continued on outside , but inside it was quiet and warm and delicious. Brad and I cracked up at how just like the postal workers, not wind nor hail nor sleet or snow could keep us from our respite. We picked up Mace and Nat and by that time the storm had died down. Turns out a gas station just down the street had it's roof blown off and several hundred people lost power. But back at our house, Camryn never knew the difference. She had no idea what we had gone through to get Ms. Amanda in the first place, let alone what had enfolded over the past three hours while she ate popcorn and watched "Oobi." Nope, for Cam's it was merely a playdate on a rainy night. A very long awaited playdate on a very rainy night. And so that is how our first night of respite went. Despite the drama, it was wonderful! With so many therapies and interventions not covered by insurance or state programs it was so refreshing to see that at least a service as priceless as this one is offered. We have decided to split up our twenty hours into five a week. Three on Tuesdays and two on Thursdays. Our goal is for Brad and I to go out just the two of us every other Tuesday, for me to take Mason and Natalie out just the three of us every Thursday and then for the four of us to do something with the remaining hours. And of course we do things with Camryn all the time. This just allows us to do things that would be normally be on the "Are you crazy?" list with Mace and Nat. It is a wonderful, wonderful program that I am so thankful to be blessed with and hope that if anybody reading this was not aware of this service that they inquire about it immediately! It's not just for families with Autistic children, but any children needing special care that typical babysitters cannot provide.
This past Tuesday our respite got cancelled because Amanda was in the ER with a virus. She texted me Sunday to let me know she would be back on Thursday, but no Tuesday due to her illness. Now what makes this woman think that if a tornado didn't keep us home her virus is going to? I mean really, I have no problem taking Camryn to her if she isn't up to driving over. Of course I'm just kidding, but cleaning poopy underwear and listening to endless screaming can make you kind of desperate and your rational thinking goes right out the window. I'm not that bad yet. But let's see what happens come Hurricane Season.... one Tuesday night you may just see Brad and I blow past your window!
Finally after all these years of trying to hunt down this elusive respite I kept hearing about I found it. Actually I found it way back in June after we moved back to Pinellas County, however as you can imagine there is quite a waiting list. As a matter of fact, at the time of my initial inquiry the case worker had 175 people ahead of me before she could even take one bit of information about our needs. But after waiting as long as we already had, just knowing we were even on any kind of waiting list was enough to ease my respite restlessness and so I kept my phone close at all times, waiting to get the call.
Some of you may be wondering what in the heck I am talking about, so let me explain. Respite refers to childcare for families with special needs children. It is a program paid for by the state and basically what it does is provide families like ours a babysitter for up to twenty hours a month at no cost. The "workers" are screened, trained indiviuals who are required to know CPR and first aid as well as have some sort of knowledge about the special needs they may be caring for. And like any service that provides relief to those in need there is always a wait. The woman in charge of the program told me that they were in desperate need of workers and to tell anybody I could think of if they were looking for work she had some. Of course, this is not a job for just anybody. You have to love kids because it's not a job you do for the meager salary it pays. And you also must be extremely patient and caring, because some of these children have some serious issues that require the heart of a saint. When I got a call back in October saying they were now ready to take our information I was thrilled and started planning how we were going to fill those glorious twenty hours each month! The supervisor came out to our house, asked me every intimate detail about Camryn's life you can imagine and then told me that because Camryn can be aggressive, she would require a level two worker and those were harder to come by. Of course! But she saw the look of desperation in my eyes and promised she would get us some respite as soon as she could.
Well, fast forward to two weeks ago. I got the call that she had found someone and to expect a call from them within the next couple of days to set up a schedule. I felt like I had won the lottery! I was dancing and singing and on cloud nine! For twenty hours, TWENTY HOURS a month we would have childcare for Camryn for free!!! I immediately called Brad to share the news. He was thrilled as well and we started planning how we would make use of the time. The thing with the repsite workers though is that they have more than one family they provide care for. And our worker already had two families in her schedule so we would have to take the days and times she had open, which turned out to be Tuesdays and Thursdays. But when you're beggin' you can't be choosin' so we gladly set up a schedule for those days and anxiously awaited out first respite session.
So last Monday, one day before the big night, I happened to catch a glimpse of the weather forecast and noticed a monstrous storm system looming out in the Gulf of Mexico. The weatherman put the radar in motion and pointed out how by Tuesday afternoon Tampa Bay would be in the middle of some serious weather. Like really serious, as in tornadoes. My mouth was hanging open in disbelief! Is this for real? Well, I didn't care, there was no way I going to cancel our first night of respite because of some thunderstorm and half the time the news makes way more out of these things than they turn out to be, so I switched the channel and proceeded with my plans. Tuesday morning was beautiful. Sunny, in the seventies and breezy. As I put Cam's on the bus her driver began talking about the bad weather coming in later, and then the bus assistant chimed in with "Yeah, they're saying tornados and hail! Whooo! It's gonna be bad!" "Would she just shut up?" I kept thinking. If you're gonna rain on my parade could you at least wait until there is actually some rain? I told them that if the weather was bad I would pick Camryn up from school myself because I don't like her on the bus in those conditions, but come two o'clock, the sun was still shining and although it was now more what I would call windy instead of breezy, I saw no "stormageddon" looming on the horizon. Tuesday nights Mason has an art class at a friends house. Because of all the chatter about this storm I decided to call Dale, the "teacher" and see if she had any concerns over the weather and was class still on. She said she had heard the forecast but as of then class was a go. Great! Now, even though the respite worker is hired solely as Camryn's caretaker, she did agree to watch Mason and Natalie on occasion along with Camryn as long as they were well behaved. But because this was our first night and I really wanted the focus to be on Cams, I had arranged for Natalie to go to my mom's house and then for Mason to go there after art, which is super convenient because Dale lives right next door to my mom. So I had Mace and Nat accounted for and Cam would be at home, which left only Brad and I which meant party time!!! We had planned to go to dinner at our favorite restaurant Red Mesa and I could already taste the salty chips and fresh salsa. I couldn't wait!
By this time it was about 4:30 and the sky was grey, but dry. Amanda, our respite worker, was coming at five and she and I had also talked earlier in the day because although I was determined to take full advantage of this first night of respite, I also have a heart and did not want Amanda to be out in bad weather if she felt uncomfortable with it. It wasn't a problem for her so we just left it that unless it got really bad she would still come. At 4:45 it began to rain, but just lightly. Mason was ready for art, Nat was ready for Gigo's and Cam's was eagerly awaiting Ms. Amanda's arrival. She had met Amanda the week before when she came out for a "meet and greet" so she was excited to see her again. And I was ready for my date! 5:00, Amanda pulls in the drive and the sky is black. The wind had really picked up and the rain was coming down at a more steady pace. Before we left I told her if she felt uneasy about the weather to please call us and we would come home to which she replied" Eve, go have fun. Cams and I will be fine!" I love her! Brad took the girls out to his truck and I stayed inside just to go over Cams meds. schedule and nightly routine. By the time I headed out that big monster storm I had seen on the radar twenty four hours earlier was now in my front yard. I made a run for the truck as the wind pelted rain at me from every direction. Lightning was crashing down around me and I was screaming because I am absolutely petrified of lightning. Right in front of the door of the truck where I was to get in was a huge puddle. I sloshed through it and climbed up into my seat soaking wet. By this time, visibility was about your hand in front of your face. I turned the wipers to their highest level and put the truck in reverse.Brad was on a business call so I was the one driving. Mason and Nat were freaking out in the back talking about floods and tornados and every other bad weather related fear they could think of. I headed slowly out of the neighborhood, wondering should we still go. But it was one of those things where you question it, but only as you are proceeding on with the event in question. Dale hadn't called to say art was cancelled so it couldn't be that bad. We live in a low lying part of town, so the streets flood very easily. I had only gotten to the end of the block when already the gutters were overflowing and the street began to disappear beneath ripples of water. I headed out towards 4th street, a main road in St. Pete and the one my mom lives off of. I was no more than a block away when my phone rang and I answered it to hear my mother screaming "Eve, Oh My God there's a tornado on 4th street heading towards downtown! I'm in my closet with the dogs, get off the street!" Well of course I freaked out, who wouldn't and I shouted in the truck "There's a tornado coming this way!!!!" I put the truck in reverse and hit the gas. Mason and Natalie were screaming and crying, Brad was trying to calm them down and I am trying to figure out where to go that is safe. We are still in our neighborhood, so I drive back to the house in a panic. I pulled up out front and tried to call Amanda but she didn't pick up her phone. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I called my mom back to see if she knew where the tornado was only to hear her say that now she couldn't see anything on the news about a tornado but she had sworn they had said there was one in the area. Well, if there was no tornado and we were already in the car then I was going to try this again. I pulled out of the drive and headed back towards my moms. The streets were flooded but Brad's truck is high so it was okay. Lightning was flashing and the winds were howling and there we were making our way down the street at about twenty miles an hour. Wow are we pathetic! About two blocks from my moms Dale called to see if I had gotten her message about cancelling art class. No, I hadn't. We were so close to my mom's and going back would be foolish now, so we kept on. The girls were still freaking out, but I knew they would calm down once they got to Gigo's. She met us at her front door with an umbrella and I took turns getting the girls out of the truck and walking them up to the house. My mom looked like she had aged ten years, her face frazzled and her hair a mess. Apparently, there had been a tornado, but not where she thought. Regardless, she raced to her closet and huddled there with her two Havanese shaking like leaves. I couldn't help but laugh...it was funny! By this time it was 6:00, an hour of respite had already passed and we hadn't done anything fun yet! The girls were happy to be at my mom's so Brad and I headed out and braved the flooded streets and flashing skies again making our way to the Mesa. There were about five other cars in the parking lot, which made me feel a little less of a loser knowing we weren't the only fools out in this weather. Our waitress came over and said "Either you are really, really hungry or you don't get out much!" "You don't even want to know" I said. I called Amanda and all was well with Camryn. Knowing that all the kids were content, I was able to relax. We ordered chips and salsa, ate our meal leisurely and even fit in coffee and dessert. The weather continued on outside , but inside it was quiet and warm and delicious. Brad and I cracked up at how just like the postal workers, not wind nor hail nor sleet or snow could keep us from our respite. We picked up Mace and Nat and by that time the storm had died down. Turns out a gas station just down the street had it's roof blown off and several hundred people lost power. But back at our house, Camryn never knew the difference. She had no idea what we had gone through to get Ms. Amanda in the first place, let alone what had enfolded over the past three hours while she ate popcorn and watched "Oobi." Nope, for Cam's it was merely a playdate on a rainy night. A very long awaited playdate on a very rainy night. And so that is how our first night of respite went. Despite the drama, it was wonderful! With so many therapies and interventions not covered by insurance or state programs it was so refreshing to see that at least a service as priceless as this one is offered. We have decided to split up our twenty hours into five a week. Three on Tuesdays and two on Thursdays. Our goal is for Brad and I to go out just the two of us every other Tuesday, for me to take Mason and Natalie out just the three of us every Thursday and then for the four of us to do something with the remaining hours. And of course we do things with Camryn all the time. This just allows us to do things that would be normally be on the "Are you crazy?" list with Mace and Nat. It is a wonderful, wonderful program that I am so thankful to be blessed with and hope that if anybody reading this was not aware of this service that they inquire about it immediately! It's not just for families with Autistic children, but any children needing special care that typical babysitters cannot provide.
This past Tuesday our respite got cancelled because Amanda was in the ER with a virus. She texted me Sunday to let me know she would be back on Thursday, but no Tuesday due to her illness. Now what makes this woman think that if a tornado didn't keep us home her virus is going to? I mean really, I have no problem taking Camryn to her if she isn't up to driving over. Of course I'm just kidding, but cleaning poopy underwear and listening to endless screaming can make you kind of desperate and your rational thinking goes right out the window. I'm not that bad yet. But let's see what happens come Hurricane Season.... one Tuesday night you may just see Brad and I blow past your window!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Good Clean Fun??
Well,they should be here any minute now. Who you say? Well, it could be several people. Let's see, could be the police responding to neighbors reports of blood curdling screams coming from our home. Or it could be child protective services,investigating a slew of anonymous tips from callers alarmed by the excessive crying and screaming, along with spotting Camryn standing in front of her window banging her head against it. Or, it could be the men in white coats finally coming for me (I'm the one who called this time) waiting with my freshly starched jacket,ready to ride me off into the sunset to my padded palace.
Camryn's been home from school for about thirty minutes and already the horror has begun. The reason for all of this mayhem? I have to shower. Yep, I have to take a shower so I can go to a meeting to help raise money for Camryn's summer camp. And while I am in the shower, because she will potentially walk out of the front door and into the street or take a steak knife out of the drawer to open an orange, Camryn must stay in her room and "play" until I am out. I know, terrible right? Well, according to Camryn it is the most torturous, inhumane treatment and she intends to tell the world. And it is never any surprise to me. I know what's coming before I grab her hand and walk her towards her room. And she know's what's coming as well, which is why she immediately starts whining and fussing and desperately trying to get out of my grip. "Come on Cam, go play in your room for a minute while Mommy takes a shower! You can look at your books or go in your tent and play with your piano. Then when Mommy is all finished you can come out." I say it as sweetly as possible with a big grin on my face, but she is not buying it....at all. I have no choice but to drag her in against her will, locking the babygate behind her. It may sound mean, but it's not. In the room right next door Natalie was sitting on her bed feeding plastic food to her baby-doll, content as could be. And down in the family room, Mason sat doing her homework,less than thrilled, but doing it. I have to shower and Camryn cannot roam the house freely unsupervised, so she is just going to have be inconvenienced and that's the way it is.
And it's not like she doesn't have things to do in her room. While it is not like most children's abodes, we have tried to make it as "Cam-friendly" as possible. She doesn't "play" with "toys" but she does like to look at books and press buttons on baby toys to hear the music. We also put a pink hippo tent for her to crawl into and she has several puzzles to do. Most of the time the things that aren't fastened down stay within the confines of her room. But when she is ticked, you better look out because that is when harmless looking objects such as a plastic keyboard or a large colorful book become flying missiles or "Weapons of Mass Destruction" as we like to call them. Camryn hurls them one at a time over her gate and God be with whoever is in their path. But with Natalie occupied in her room and Mason across the house, I knew no one would be harmed so if she felt the need to practice her throw then so be it. I turned the water on, knowing I would need to make it quick and then realized I should probably let Camryn go potty before I got in the shower because Camryn is famous for waiting until you are all sud's up behind the curtain to let you know she has to poop. I'm on to her though, so I sat her on the toilet to avoid any unpleasant interruptions. She squeezed out a tiny little turd and although my gut told me not so fast, I wiped her, flushed and put her back in her room.
So I get in the shower and what should be a somewhat enjoyable event is totally de-pleasantfied by Camryn's constant screaming. She is so loud that I feel certain the neighbors think I am beating her. But I know she is fine and if someone calls the authorities, I need to be clean before they take me away, so I continue on with my shower. Next she begins "growling" and biting herself. I know this because she is shouting "Did you bite yourself honey!!!!" Meanwhile there I am,scrubbing furiously beneath the spray of water, not enough Calgon in the world! My hair is all lathered up in a thick white foam and my face is covered with creamy exfoliant and then I hear...."Do you need the wipes honey?" O-M-G!!!!! I knew it, I just knew it!!!! Again I heard "Wipes...I need some wipes". I was furious! All I want is to take a f***ing shower!!! Is it too much to ask? Really??!
"Okay Camryn,I'm coming" I yell through the curtain, which only makes her wail louder. I tried to at least rinse my face off, but I knew the longer I waited, the more I risked the mess in her pants making it's way to the floor. Oh f*** it! I scrambled out of the shower, my hair looking like peaks of stiff merengue, grabbed the wipes and led Camryn into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was an orange sized ball of poop in her panties. Uuugghhh! I was dripping all over the floor and she was fidgeting with her pants, trying to get them down while I tried to help her out of them without making further mess. I got her cleaned up, tossed ANOTHER pair of panties in the trash and put her back in her room, where she got right back in her rhythm,screaming and wailing. The girl doesn't miss a beat. I stomped back to the shower, cursing the air. I just wanna take a shower for God's sake!!!!!! I scrubbed my hair like a mad woman and finished up in record time. When I got out, Cams was still at her gate, her face bright red from screaming and her forearm wet and full of teeth marks. And it wasn't going to get any better because before I let her out I needed to get dressed. I walked past her, gave her a kiss and said "Mommy needs to get dressed and then you can come out. Go play!" Words all said in vain. Of course she was ticked that I walked past her to my room and she began her tantrum again. The screams were so loud and grainy that they confirmed my theory that children once thought to be possessed by the devil and needed an exorcism were probably not possessed by demons at all, but rather by Autism. I got dressed as quickly as possible which isn't easy when you haven't had time to properly dry off and your skin is sticking to your clothes. When I finally opened her gate, Cams looked like she had been in a battle, which she had, with herself. Her arms were all bitten up, her cheeks were soaked and and her lip was quivering. Mind you, while all this was going on, my other two kids were just doing their thing, getting more and more used to these outbursts as the years go by. Mason was frustrated of course, but I was impressed with how she held it together. Camryn ran to the kitchen and grabbed a can of peas, the can opener and a sandwich bag and shoved them in my face, chanting "You can have some peas honey". I opened the can, poured them in the bag and sent her down to watch T.V. while I put on my makeup. Nat wandered into my room wearing Camryns backpack. "Look, I'm Camryn. I'm wearing her backpack and I'm even biting my own skin!" she exclaimed. "Don't bite your skin!" I told her. "But Mama, I'm being Camryn!" I wasn't sure should if I laugh at that or sob uncontrollably. I chose laughter, it was pretty funny! With Camryn calmed down, we all piled into the car to head up to the fundraising meeting. I am passionate about this camp for obvious reasons, but after our afternoon I entered that meeting on fire. I would raise money so this camp could continue come hell or high water, both of which I have been through in the past eight years. The meeting was a success and when we got home, the kids went to bed and it was about 9:30 before I sat down on the couch to breathe. I went over the days events in my head and made myself laugh that the only reason I was in the shower in the first place was to go a meeting so Camryn could go to camp in the summer and I could get a break from outbursts just like that. Ironic.
Well I am happy to say that so far, nobody's come by to put me in cuffs or strap me to a gurney, although the idea of being picked up and delivered to my own private room does sound appealing. I really could use a vacation. But, there's always tomorrow or the next day, the day after that and so on, as this screaming stuff occurs on a daily basis and I don't see it going away anytime soon. It's a part of our life, it's a part of Camryn...it's a part of raising autism.
Note: If you or somebody you know would like to make a donation of ANY amount to Camp COAST, please let me know and I will gladly let you know the procedure. This camp truly changes our lives for seven weeks in the summer. The kids go horseback riding, sailing, bowling, swimming, etc and experience things they normally never would. It is AMAZING!! And us parents, for eight hours a day, well....do I really even need to explain? The camp runs solely on the kindness and generosity of others, and as of right now has not met it's goal for next year. So again, if you or anybody you know would like to donate it would be so,so appreciated! Thanks! :)
Camryn's been home from school for about thirty minutes and already the horror has begun. The reason for all of this mayhem? I have to shower. Yep, I have to take a shower so I can go to a meeting to help raise money for Camryn's summer camp. And while I am in the shower, because she will potentially walk out of the front door and into the street or take a steak knife out of the drawer to open an orange, Camryn must stay in her room and "play" until I am out. I know, terrible right? Well, according to Camryn it is the most torturous, inhumane treatment and she intends to tell the world. And it is never any surprise to me. I know what's coming before I grab her hand and walk her towards her room. And she know's what's coming as well, which is why she immediately starts whining and fussing and desperately trying to get out of my grip. "Come on Cam, go play in your room for a minute while Mommy takes a shower! You can look at your books or go in your tent and play with your piano. Then when Mommy is all finished you can come out." I say it as sweetly as possible with a big grin on my face, but she is not buying it....at all. I have no choice but to drag her in against her will, locking the babygate behind her. It may sound mean, but it's not. In the room right next door Natalie was sitting on her bed feeding plastic food to her baby-doll, content as could be. And down in the family room, Mason sat doing her homework,less than thrilled, but doing it. I have to shower and Camryn cannot roam the house freely unsupervised, so she is just going to have be inconvenienced and that's the way it is.
And it's not like she doesn't have things to do in her room. While it is not like most children's abodes, we have tried to make it as "Cam-friendly" as possible. She doesn't "play" with "toys" but she does like to look at books and press buttons on baby toys to hear the music. We also put a pink hippo tent for her to crawl into and she has several puzzles to do. Most of the time the things that aren't fastened down stay within the confines of her room. But when she is ticked, you better look out because that is when harmless looking objects such as a plastic keyboard or a large colorful book become flying missiles or "Weapons of Mass Destruction" as we like to call them. Camryn hurls them one at a time over her gate and God be with whoever is in their path. But with Natalie occupied in her room and Mason across the house, I knew no one would be harmed so if she felt the need to practice her throw then so be it. I turned the water on, knowing I would need to make it quick and then realized I should probably let Camryn go potty before I got in the shower because Camryn is famous for waiting until you are all sud's up behind the curtain to let you know she has to poop. I'm on to her though, so I sat her on the toilet to avoid any unpleasant interruptions. She squeezed out a tiny little turd and although my gut told me not so fast, I wiped her, flushed and put her back in her room.
So I get in the shower and what should be a somewhat enjoyable event is totally de-pleasantfied by Camryn's constant screaming. She is so loud that I feel certain the neighbors think I am beating her. But I know she is fine and if someone calls the authorities, I need to be clean before they take me away, so I continue on with my shower. Next she begins "growling" and biting herself. I know this because she is shouting "Did you bite yourself honey!!!!" Meanwhile there I am,scrubbing furiously beneath the spray of water, not enough Calgon in the world! My hair is all lathered up in a thick white foam and my face is covered with creamy exfoliant and then I hear...."Do you need the wipes honey?" O-M-G!!!!! I knew it, I just knew it!!!! Again I heard "Wipes...I need some wipes". I was furious! All I want is to take a f***ing shower!!! Is it too much to ask? Really??!
"Okay Camryn,I'm coming" I yell through the curtain, which only makes her wail louder. I tried to at least rinse my face off, but I knew the longer I waited, the more I risked the mess in her pants making it's way to the floor. Oh f*** it! I scrambled out of the shower, my hair looking like peaks of stiff merengue, grabbed the wipes and led Camryn into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was an orange sized ball of poop in her panties. Uuugghhh! I was dripping all over the floor and she was fidgeting with her pants, trying to get them down while I tried to help her out of them without making further mess. I got her cleaned up, tossed ANOTHER pair of panties in the trash and put her back in her room, where she got right back in her rhythm,screaming and wailing. The girl doesn't miss a beat. I stomped back to the shower, cursing the air. I just wanna take a shower for God's sake!!!!!! I scrubbed my hair like a mad woman and finished up in record time. When I got out, Cams was still at her gate, her face bright red from screaming and her forearm wet and full of teeth marks. And it wasn't going to get any better because before I let her out I needed to get dressed. I walked past her, gave her a kiss and said "Mommy needs to get dressed and then you can come out. Go play!" Words all said in vain. Of course she was ticked that I walked past her to my room and she began her tantrum again. The screams were so loud and grainy that they confirmed my theory that children once thought to be possessed by the devil and needed an exorcism were probably not possessed by demons at all, but rather by Autism. I got dressed as quickly as possible which isn't easy when you haven't had time to properly dry off and your skin is sticking to your clothes. When I finally opened her gate, Cams looked like she had been in a battle, which she had, with herself. Her arms were all bitten up, her cheeks were soaked and and her lip was quivering. Mind you, while all this was going on, my other two kids were just doing their thing, getting more and more used to these outbursts as the years go by. Mason was frustrated of course, but I was impressed with how she held it together. Camryn ran to the kitchen and grabbed a can of peas, the can opener and a sandwich bag and shoved them in my face, chanting "You can have some peas honey". I opened the can, poured them in the bag and sent her down to watch T.V. while I put on my makeup. Nat wandered into my room wearing Camryns backpack. "Look, I'm Camryn. I'm wearing her backpack and I'm even biting my own skin!" she exclaimed. "Don't bite your skin!" I told her. "But Mama, I'm being Camryn!" I wasn't sure should if I laugh at that or sob uncontrollably. I chose laughter, it was pretty funny! With Camryn calmed down, we all piled into the car to head up to the fundraising meeting. I am passionate about this camp for obvious reasons, but after our afternoon I entered that meeting on fire. I would raise money so this camp could continue come hell or high water, both of which I have been through in the past eight years. The meeting was a success and when we got home, the kids went to bed and it was about 9:30 before I sat down on the couch to breathe. I went over the days events in my head and made myself laugh that the only reason I was in the shower in the first place was to go a meeting so Camryn could go to camp in the summer and I could get a break from outbursts just like that. Ironic.
Well I am happy to say that so far, nobody's come by to put me in cuffs or strap me to a gurney, although the idea of being picked up and delivered to my own private room does sound appealing. I really could use a vacation. But, there's always tomorrow or the next day, the day after that and so on, as this screaming stuff occurs on a daily basis and I don't see it going away anytime soon. It's a part of our life, it's a part of Camryn...it's a part of raising autism.
Note: If you or somebody you know would like to make a donation of ANY amount to Camp COAST, please let me know and I will gladly let you know the procedure. This camp truly changes our lives for seven weeks in the summer. The kids go horseback riding, sailing, bowling, swimming, etc and experience things they normally never would. It is AMAZING!! And us parents, for eight hours a day, well....do I really even need to explain? The camp runs solely on the kindness and generosity of others, and as of right now has not met it's goal for next year. So again, if you or anybody you know would like to donate it would be so,so appreciated! Thanks! :)
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