Well,they should be here any minute now. Who you say? Well, it could be several people. Let's see, could be the police responding to neighbors reports of blood curdling screams coming from our home. Or it could be child protective services,investigating a slew of anonymous tips from callers alarmed by the excessive crying and screaming, along with spotting Camryn standing in front of her window banging her head against it. Or, it could be the men in white coats finally coming for me (I'm the one who called this time) waiting with my freshly starched jacket,ready to ride me off into the sunset to my padded palace.
Camryn's been home from school for about thirty minutes and already the horror has begun. The reason for all of this mayhem? I have to shower. Yep, I have to take a shower so I can go to a meeting to help raise money for Camryn's summer camp. And while I am in the shower, because she will potentially walk out of the front door and into the street or take a steak knife out of the drawer to open an orange, Camryn must stay in her room and "play" until I am out. I know, terrible right? Well, according to Camryn it is the most torturous, inhumane treatment and she intends to tell the world. And it is never any surprise to me. I know what's coming before I grab her hand and walk her towards her room. And she know's what's coming as well, which is why she immediately starts whining and fussing and desperately trying to get out of my grip. "Come on Cam, go play in your room for a minute while Mommy takes a shower! You can look at your books or go in your tent and play with your piano. Then when Mommy is all finished you can come out." I say it as sweetly as possible with a big grin on my face, but she is not buying it....at all. I have no choice but to drag her in against her will, locking the babygate behind her. It may sound mean, but it's not. In the room right next door Natalie was sitting on her bed feeding plastic food to her baby-doll, content as could be. And down in the family room, Mason sat doing her homework,less than thrilled, but doing it. I have to shower and Camryn cannot roam the house freely unsupervised, so she is just going to have be inconvenienced and that's the way it is.
And it's not like she doesn't have things to do in her room. While it is not like most children's abodes, we have tried to make it as "Cam-friendly" as possible. She doesn't "play" with "toys" but she does like to look at books and press buttons on baby toys to hear the music. We also put a pink hippo tent for her to crawl into and she has several puzzles to do. Most of the time the things that aren't fastened down stay within the confines of her room. But when she is ticked, you better look out because that is when harmless looking objects such as a plastic keyboard or a large colorful book become flying missiles or "Weapons of Mass Destruction" as we like to call them. Camryn hurls them one at a time over her gate and God be with whoever is in their path. But with Natalie occupied in her room and Mason across the house, I knew no one would be harmed so if she felt the need to practice her throw then so be it. I turned the water on, knowing I would need to make it quick and then realized I should probably let Camryn go potty before I got in the shower because Camryn is famous for waiting until you are all sud's up behind the curtain to let you know she has to poop. I'm on to her though, so I sat her on the toilet to avoid any unpleasant interruptions. She squeezed out a tiny little turd and although my gut told me not so fast, I wiped her, flushed and put her back in her room.
So I get in the shower and what should be a somewhat enjoyable event is totally de-pleasantfied by Camryn's constant screaming. She is so loud that I feel certain the neighbors think I am beating her. But I know she is fine and if someone calls the authorities, I need to be clean before they take me away, so I continue on with my shower. Next she begins "growling" and biting herself. I know this because she is shouting "Did you bite yourself honey!!!!" Meanwhile there I am,scrubbing furiously beneath the spray of water, not enough Calgon in the world! My hair is all lathered up in a thick white foam and my face is covered with creamy exfoliant and then I hear...."Do you need the wipes honey?" O-M-G!!!!! I knew it, I just knew it!!!! Again I heard "Wipes...I need some wipes". I was furious! All I want is to take a f***ing shower!!! Is it too much to ask? Really??!
"Okay Camryn,I'm coming" I yell through the curtain, which only makes her wail louder. I tried to at least rinse my face off, but I knew the longer I waited, the more I risked the mess in her pants making it's way to the floor. Oh f*** it! I scrambled out of the shower, my hair looking like peaks of stiff merengue, grabbed the wipes and led Camryn into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was an orange sized ball of poop in her panties. Uuugghhh! I was dripping all over the floor and she was fidgeting with her pants, trying to get them down while I tried to help her out of them without making further mess. I got her cleaned up, tossed ANOTHER pair of panties in the trash and put her back in her room, where she got right back in her rhythm,screaming and wailing. The girl doesn't miss a beat. I stomped back to the shower, cursing the air. I just wanna take a shower for God's sake!!!!!! I scrubbed my hair like a mad woman and finished up in record time. When I got out, Cams was still at her gate, her face bright red from screaming and her forearm wet and full of teeth marks. And it wasn't going to get any better because before I let her out I needed to get dressed. I walked past her, gave her a kiss and said "Mommy needs to get dressed and then you can come out. Go play!" Words all said in vain. Of course she was ticked that I walked past her to my room and she began her tantrum again. The screams were so loud and grainy that they confirmed my theory that children once thought to be possessed by the devil and needed an exorcism were probably not possessed by demons at all, but rather by Autism. I got dressed as quickly as possible which isn't easy when you haven't had time to properly dry off and your skin is sticking to your clothes. When I finally opened her gate, Cams looked like she had been in a battle, which she had, with herself. Her arms were all bitten up, her cheeks were soaked and and her lip was quivering. Mind you, while all this was going on, my other two kids were just doing their thing, getting more and more used to these outbursts as the years go by. Mason was frustrated of course, but I was impressed with how she held it together. Camryn ran to the kitchen and grabbed a can of peas, the can opener and a sandwich bag and shoved them in my face, chanting "You can have some peas honey". I opened the can, poured them in the bag and sent her down to watch T.V. while I put on my makeup. Nat wandered into my room wearing Camryns backpack. "Look, I'm Camryn. I'm wearing her backpack and I'm even biting my own skin!" she exclaimed. "Don't bite your skin!" I told her. "But Mama, I'm being Camryn!" I wasn't sure should if I laugh at that or sob uncontrollably. I chose laughter, it was pretty funny! With Camryn calmed down, we all piled into the car to head up to the fundraising meeting. I am passionate about this camp for obvious reasons, but after our afternoon I entered that meeting on fire. I would raise money so this camp could continue come hell or high water, both of which I have been through in the past eight years. The meeting was a success and when we got home, the kids went to bed and it was about 9:30 before I sat down on the couch to breathe. I went over the days events in my head and made myself laugh that the only reason I was in the shower in the first place was to go a meeting so Camryn could go to camp in the summer and I could get a break from outbursts just like that. Ironic.
Well I am happy to say that so far, nobody's come by to put me in cuffs or strap me to a gurney, although the idea of being picked up and delivered to my own private room does sound appealing. I really could use a vacation. But, there's always tomorrow or the next day, the day after that and so on, as this screaming stuff occurs on a daily basis and I don't see it going away anytime soon. It's a part of our life, it's a part of Camryn...it's a part of raising autism.
Note: If you or somebody you know would like to make a donation of ANY amount to Camp COAST, please let me know and I will gladly let you know the procedure. This camp truly changes our lives for seven weeks in the summer. The kids go horseback riding, sailing, bowling, swimming, etc and experience things they normally never would. It is AMAZING!! And us parents, for eight hours a day, well....do I really even need to explain? The camp runs solely on the kindness and generosity of others, and as of right now has not met it's goal for next year. So again, if you or anybody you know would like to donate it would be so,so appreciated! Thanks! :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
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