Could Someone Point Out The "Break" Part?

I haven't posted in a while. Not because I didn't want to, but because last week was Spring Break and I think that explains it all. Every "break" from school makes me run screaming for the hills because the only break that happens in this house is the one before the word "down", as in Mommy is curled up in the fetal position on the floor again.
As a mom of an autistic child, I never look forward to any extended period void of routines or childcare. It may sound horrible, but I love the fact that for most of the year Camryn goes to school for seven hours a day where somebody else can keep her busy. My other two girls are not an issue. I love having time with them when we can go to the movies or the playground. I enjoy their company and letting them experience new things. But with Cam's it is such a different story, written in a completely different language. You all know by now movies and playgrounds don't work well with Camryn. Twice I had invites over the break to join friends and their kids at your typical kid hangouts and twice I had to decline, knowing taking Camryn to a kid filled area would be akin to letting Jaws loose at a pool party.....kind of a downer. I felt sorry for myself for a minute (okay maybe thirty) and then tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do to fill these nine long days of break. Monday it rained, so that slashed off number one on my list of one thing we could do that day. Our backyard is a good place for Cams as it is set up with her in mind. We have three "clubhouses" out there, a swingset, a sandbox and a jogging stroller for her to buckle herself into. But with torrential downpours in the forecast all day, the backyard would be uninhabitable for day one. Inside the options were dwindling. While Mason and Nat built a jungle out of plastic trees and animals on their bedroom floor, Camryn scribbled on a few sheets of paper before shoving them in my face announcing she was "all done". Okayyyyy, well there went three minutes filled. I tried to read her some books, and successfully got through four of them before she again decided she was all done with that as well. The only trick left up my very short sleeve was television, or as I like to refer to it "Old Faithful". Camryn will watch t.v, although the the variety of shows she likes are somewhat limited, as in two. There is the "Fresh Beat Band" and "Oobi", both of which are capable of leaving me banging my head against the wall to the beat of their theme song. I mean, you can only hear these things so many times before they start to embed themselves in your grey matter.However, I will gladly suffer any ill effects they may have to get thirty minutes of uninterrupted silence as Camryn loses herself in the screen. But even Cam has her limits and after about three shows she is ready to move on to something else,except after television I am at the top of my sleeve. No more tricks. And that is when it starts to become very clear that this break is going to be just like the last and the one before that.....very, very long.
These are the times when all the "I know this is for a reason" and "I am such a better person for going through this" start losing merit at record speed. When it is only 9:30 on Monday and Camryn has already pooped in her underwear, hit one sister, scratched the other, and molested the dog I squeeze my eyes shut and start thinking back really hard as to what malicious crime I committed to be given such a harsh sentence. And darn if I can't come up with anything! It is so hard to see the good when the bad is right up in your face, kicking and screaming. It can be so depressing and isolating knowing that other mom's are heading out for a rainy day movie or trip to the childrens museum, and you are stuck at home with two children who are pining to join along and one, who for reasons no one can figure out, cannot handle such an outing.
Obviously I got through it, as here I sit the Monday after break and I have not been confined to a padded room. And when summer comes, I will get through that as well, with a lot of help from summer school, Camp COAST and respite care. Praise Jesus that there are so many options available to get families like ours through the long months of summer. I am totally feeling bummed today and I know my post reflects it. No need to feel sorry for me though,as I am so blessed in many, many ways and reading the news reminds me of that every day. We all have our crosses to bear and it really just depends on how we carry them. We can either drag them on our backs, leaving us hunched over and weak or we can lift them up above our heads getting stronger with every step we take. I fluctuate between mild scoliosis and moderately toned biceps.
So tomorrow is another day and it looks like rain. While some may curse the skies wishing for sun, I think back to last week and smile at the idea that no matter how hard it blows or how much it pours, I will not have to keep anybody entertained except me and luckily I am easily amused. So let it come down! Bring it on!Cats, dogs, clapboard houses from Kansas! I don't care! I plan on sitting on the couch with a hot cup of coffee listening to the rain and nothing else. I  will call it my "Spring Break Break" and I will enjoy every minute of it!