Weekends with Autism, part 2

So my last post I mentioned that we were considering doing Busch Gardens over the weekend. Well, that didn't work out due to this very unseasonably cool weather we've been having. I don't like being all wet after a water ride on a summer day, let alone a breeezy, cool, not quite spring one. So, we postponed that trip for warmer weather. It worked out rather nicely though as I got a 24 hour hall pass and went to my moms for the night to regain a little sanity. This is something I do frequently and I have to give my husband major kudos for understanding my need to. Mothers of all kids need a break and not just on Mother's Day or their birthday. I'm talking on a weekly basis, as in girls night out, shopping at the mall, or just taking a walk with a good friend. Just being girls and forgetting about all the other roles you have to play day in and day out. And when you're the mom of an Autistic child, every day can leave you in tears, especially when you are trying to explain to your two other kids why their sister is screaming at the top of her lungs and trying to scratch them and fact is you don't even understand it yourself. Plus you're telling your nine year old to calm down when she gets frustrated with her sister and find a different way of dealing with it when secretly you want to set the oven to broil and then stick your head in. It's really hard dealing with the emotions of having an autistic child and struggling with all the feelings you have and then dealing with your other children's reactions to having an autistic sibling. This I will get into in my next entry. The point is, at the end of the day I am teetering on the edge of insanity so by the end of the week, if I don't have some sort of reprieve I fear I may go over the edge, never to be heard from again. And I am fortunate enough to have a husband who understands this. Because he works long hours, I am the primary caretaker during the week and the one dealing with the normal craziness with a side of Autism. By the time he comes home, I am ready to sign out. And while most families look forward to the weekend, as horrible as this may sound, I dread them, because keeping a child who does not watch cartoons, does not color, read books or play blocks, does not play on the computer or clean her room, and can not be left alone with her siblings for more than a few minutes at a time so no one gets hurt, entertained for twelve hours straight is nearly impossible! It's really hard to understand unless you've been there, but on Saturday mornings when  Mason and Natalie are watching cartoons peacefully on the couch and then Camryn goes over and pulls their hair or starts screaming at something, it makes me wonder what it must be like to have a "normal" Saturday morning, the kind I had when I was a kid. So, when the weekend rolls around, often times Brad and I do a trade off of sorts. He goes to the gym for a couple hours and then when he gets home, I drive an hour and a half north to my mom's house and just...be. Most of the time I take Mason and Natalie with me and they either spend the night with my brother or stay with my mom and I, which is still a break, a break from Autism. This may sound so ugly to some, as if I want to get away from Camryn, and that is not it at all. I love her and the time we spend together is precious to me. But because Camryn is different, she doesn't enjoy doing the same things as most kids. To her staying at my mom's house would be fun for about an hour and then she would start getting antsy, needing her room, her things and sleeping over...forget about it! We tried that twice and it was, let's just say, not good. So, Camryn stays home with Brad and they spend one on one time together, which is how Camryn functions best. She loves it, he loves it and it works out great. And Mason and Natalie get out from under the shadows of Autism and just be little girls, running on the playground until they're ready to leave instead of until Camryn has a meltdown or buliding a city of blocks without Camryn knocking them on the head with one. The only negative is that Brad and I don't get to be together as much as we'd like and that can be hard on a marriage. A marriage that is already against the odds just by being a marriage, as the divorce rate is at 50% and then throw in the whole "special needs" child thing and the divorce rate for that is 80% , so I 'm no math whiz, but that adds up to 130% of odds against us, which means the fact that we still even speak to each other is pretty impressive! Having an Autistic child puts strains on your marriage you never anticipated when you said I do. There's nothing in the vows about that. It takes so much work, understanding and reassurance that yes, we can get through this, we have to, this is our life and no one else is going to live it for us. The way we do things may be a bit unconventional, me leaving for the night, him going out with a buddy on Sunday, taking turns "having fun", but it's what we have to do to get by, to stay sane and most importantly to stay together.We go out together a couple times a month and I love those times. When we're just Brad and Eve, a couple out on a date, and for a while we're just like everybody else in the room. And we also go out with the kids, but it's just not the same as taking your everyday family. There are challenges that people with typical kids never even think about and sometimes it can be more work than staying home. We do it for the kids so they have the experience and the memories (however scary they may be) lol. So for all you moms out there who are blessed with healthy children, when the weekend rolls around and your kids are lazily watching cartoons as you and your husband make plans to go the park or the movies, enjoy it and never take it for granted. I long for those simple times.