Weekends with Autism

So, the weekend is coming and for most families that means planning fun outings with the kids. The beach, (Well maybe not yet,unless you're from Canada!), the movies, out to dinner, etc.) But at our house, the weekend plans work a little bit differently. Because, when you have a child with Autism, you don't just say "Hey, wanna go to the movies?" or "It's a beautiful day, let's take the kids to the playground". No, we haven't said that in....let's see now.....ever! This may not be true for all kids with Autism, but with Camryn, there are certain things you just don't do and certain places you just don't go, unless of course you feel up for a major challenge. Take the movies for instance. Do you have any idea how much I wish I could fill my purse with all kinds of goodies and take my three girls to see the latest animated adventure? What must that be like to have your child ask you "Mom, can we go see Alice in Wonderland this weekend?" and be able to say "Sure!" with your only cause of concern the fact that admission for five to the movies is equal to your car payment. No, not at our house. Now my kids go to the movies. Let me be more clear, 2 out of 3 of my kids go to the movies and SOMETIMES it is with Brad and I, but rarely. Most of the movies that Mason and Natalie have seen, and they have seen almost every movie that has come out, has been with my brother. He takes them for the weekend and they go to dinner and the movies and eat popcorn and candy, drink too much soda and stay up too late. Basically, they have a totally awesome time. And I'm so happy for them that they have those experiences with their uncle. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't just a tinge(okay a boatload) jealous of the fact that while he's out on the town, laughing and having the great time I should be having with my "normal" kids, I am at home, trying to figure out what entertains Camryn this week, feeling guilty that I am not with Mace and Nat and feeling guilty for wishing things were different. Now, before you think I am a horrible, horrible person for referring to two of my kids as "normal", you have to know me really well and know that I am not winning any awards for political correctness and I mean nothing derogatory by it. The fact is, that by society's standards, Mason and Natalie are "normal" and Camryn is not and if you ask me, one is no better than the other.I love all my girls for who they are and I think Camryn is just as amazing as her sisters, but when it comes down to the stereotypical image of a "normal" child, Cams is not.
So, this weekend we are thinking of going to Busch Gardens, as a family. Sounds fun right? Well, yes and it probably will be, BUT, going to Busch Gardens Walker family style requires more than a ticket and change of clothes. In fact, the planning and preparation involved could be compared to planning for a hurricane. You need supplies, medications, hiding spots and most importantly....emergency evacuation routes!!!
While Mason has been to Disney several times and Busch Gardens once, Camryn has never passed through the gates of a major theme park for my fear that it will put me over the edge and I will be escorted out in a staright jacket. I did attempt Downtown Disney with her two years ago, where I had to restrain her kicking and screaming in the line for the carousel, while mothers in sweater sets and glass slippers watched in horror. And then there was the incident in the store where Camryn grabbed one Disney character after the next off the shelf, screaming and biting herself when I took them away, before grabbing a total strangers bag right out of his hand.
It's taken me that long to consider trying it again and even though she is older now and more repsonsive she is also older and bigger and louder and stronger. As with all kids, waiting in line sucks, but with Camryn, waitng in line is painful, literally. She twists, pinches, screams,bites herself and throws herself on the ground, which is her way of telling me (and everybody within a 5 mile radius) that she doesn't want to wait. And while all this is certainly reason to turn into a total agoraphobic, I want her to experience these things just like her sisters, just like a kid. It's such  a crossroads, where on one hand I want her to be like a normal little girl and be able to do all the things I did when I was her age, but on the other hand I have to be realistic and remember that she is not a normal little girl and in fact sees and experiences the world very differently than I did and some of the things I enjoyed she simply does not understand.
That being said, I know she will love Busch Gardens because she loves animals and is obsessed with tigers (She carries around "white tiger" everywhere she goes) and there is a great new area where you can get face to face with the tigers, which I know will rock her world. The primate exhibit, again she will love and there is a safrai ride that I'm pretty sure will throw her into total sensory euphoria.
Now, the parts that concern me and make me curse Autism are the aviary, where birds fly free for visitors to touch. Of course she will freak out in joy, but will there be as many birds living when we leave as there were when we entered? Anybody who knows us knows one of our favorite sayings is "Camryn loves animals to death" (and we have the corpses to prove it)lol  Because of her sensory issues, she goes at things hard and that's fine if you're petting a rhinoceros, but an African finch? Not so much.
Also, there is an awesome "jungle treehouse" play area for kids to run free, climb nets and navigate through tunnels and play areas. Again, Camryn would have a blast , BUT, I cannot let her go up there for fear that she will, well...scratch someones eyes out. She is aggressive towards other kids for reasons I don't understand and often times scratches, bites and hits them, hard,which I cannot risk happening. So we will skip the playground and I will envy the parents who sit back and relax while their kids run free and play.
The rides? We'll go on them, and if I'm correct, I think Busch Gardens has a policy for "special" guests that allows them to go the front of the rides to avoid major meltdowns. And for anybody who says "That's not fair!" I say,"Go to the front of the line with my child. I will gladly wait here with your normal child."
This may sound like I am whining, or feeling sorry for myself, which maybe I am a bit. There are parts of Autism that really suck and sometimes I hate that things have to be so hard. And I know we all have things, challenges, and believe me, I am fully aware how blessed I am that this is the biggest thing on my plate. Sometimes, I just wish that one Friday I could pick up the kids from school and head to the movies with no worries of screaming, or injuries, or tantrums, but then I look at Cams, happy as can be with her dog bones in one hand and plastic cookie in the other, and I can't feel anything but love.