No Objections Here!

It's summertime and that means pool parties, beach outings and last but not least weddings. There's nothing more traditional than a June bride riding off into the sunset with her prince charming. And so, not wanting to miss out on any summer time activities, Brad and I are going to a wedding tomorrow evening. We have known the man for about three years now, met him through my aunt and her partner. They met him at a local pub one night while listening to a band. He was alone and so they started talking to him and struck up a friendship. He started coming to all of their gatherings which is how we met him and he took a strong liking to us right away, especially Camryn. About a year and a half ago he met the woman he will be marrying tomorrow and when we first heard about them going out for their first date we all thought it would never work out. Obviously we were wrong since marriage is a pretty solid sign it is working out! They just seemed so different in many ways. She had been married before, he had not. She lived in her own place, he lived with his parents. She was short with brown hair, and he is a tall guy who has gone prematurely grey. And oh yeah, he's Autistic and she is not.
When my aunt and her partner first met Steven they knew right away that something was different about him. Having Camryn in the family has made them hyperaware of autistic behaviors and so immediately they assumed he was on the spectrum. But the super cool thing about my aunt's is they are the most accepting people you could ever meet. I think that comes from the fact that they have come across their fair share of prejudice in life which has made them all the more compassionate towards horses of different colors. Plus, they are just really nice people! So when they saw Steven at this bar by himself listening to the band they called him over and started talking to him. By the end of the conversation they had exchanged numbers and soon enough he was calling them every day, so thankful to have friends in his life.  He didn't disclose his Autism right away, but to the trained eye and in his case even the untrained eye it was obvious. When they told him about Camryn I think it opened the door for conversation about his own place on the spectrum. Now the thing about that crazy spectrum is it's so darn broad. And no two of it's inhabitants are the same. While Camryn struggles to communicate in a "normal" fashion Steven can express all his wants, needs, feelings and desires. Where Camryn can still not draw even a straight line or sum up 2 plus 2, Steven can maneuver his way around a computer like nobodys business, has read just about every book ever written and has his own website for a comic book he has written himself. He drives, had a very good job designing roadways until he was let go last year due to the economy and goes out to movies and concerts by himself all the time. For all practical purposes he is a regular guy, but autism is anything but practical you know and Aspergers has a way of taking regular guys and girls and setting them apart from their peers. And that was Stevens "problem". His social skills left much to be desired. While "Aspies" are extremely high functioning individuals who can live on their own and live very productive lives as well as contribute much to society, it is often times very difficult for them to form friendships within the "typical" population due to their social miscomings. They are known for being literal to a fault. Oh yeah, never tell someone with Aspergers to "break a leg" unless you want to be signing their cast.I remember one time someboddy told Steven "get outta here" in repsonse to something he said and he got up to leave, not getting the sarcasm. He speaks very monotone with not much variation in his expression, there are a lot of "Uh huh's" in his answers and don't take him to a birhday party unless it's ok for him to blow out the candles, 'cause he so will blow out those candles. When he laughs it is with reckless abandon, deep and hearty and with no realization that it may be just a little too loud for the rest of the people in the movie. Because it was so hard for him to make friends he started a collection of dolls that he refers to as his family. There are three of them I think, actually they are the main characters in his comic and in a book he wrote. The mother doll had breast cancer and then I think there is an angel doll too,,,,can't remember. But at the time we met him he was driving them around in the backseat of his car, oblivious to the fact that for a thirty something old man, or any man for that fact, that is considered just plain wierd. But not to Steven and it is an innocence that is so amazing and pure.
I remember the first time I met him face to face. I had heard all about him and how excited he was to meet Camryn. It was Halloween and my aunt was having her annual costume party. I was dressed as a bar whench and Brad in leiderhosen (sp?). As I made my way through the crowd I spotted a tall stocky guy in a tie dye tee shirt with big silver angel wings pinned to his back and a fuzzy halo over his head. Now mind you, this was a party put on by my aunt and her partner and if you have ever partied with gay men then you know they can come up with some pretty fabulous costumes so I just assumed he was one of their friends. But then I noticed how this "angel" was standing on the outside of all the conversations. Nobody was talking to him and he just kept moving from group to group hovering on their chatter. But shame on me I still didn't pick up on the fact that this was the autistic guy I had heard about. It wasn't until much later in the night that i was introduced to him and then it all made sense. He told me all about his dolls, and even had me take a picture of him and one of them, which to many would be really out there. But I'm Camryn Walkers mom and I smell stuffed animals on a daily basis and give my kid mulch to play with so for me it was just another day at the farm. He was so raw, so uncensored, so refreshing. But of course I see the beauty in it because that is my world. To those not familiar with autism or to those who fear different, Steven can make you very uncomfortable as he stands only inches from your face and stares at you without the thought that he is way too into your space box. And for those who don't know how to relate to him, the best option is to not, as in not talk to him at all. And that is so sad for Steven and all the others out there like him.
When my aunt first told me Steven had met someone on a dating site and was going to meet her in person I thought "Oh well this will be short lived". He hadn't disclosed online that he had Aspergers, which is a pretty significant piece of information and very hard to conclude through typing. But to all of our great surprise, the date went well and so did the next and the next and the next until Steven and this girl were at all the parties together, they joined us on outings and zoo trips and became part of the group. She was an introverted person by nature, liked to be alone, loved to read and was a homebody which was a perfect match for Steven. She wasn't a romantic and had no dreams of being whisked off on a white horse which was a good thing because Steven probably would have purchased a white horse and tried to hoist her on it's saddle in all his literal splendor. They bought a house together last year with the money he has saved from his entire working career where they have each created their own personal space and that works for them. It's working out and everytime I think about it I am amazed. I would have bet my firstborn daughter that pigs would take flight before Steven found a spouse, yet here I am going to his wedding tomorrow in a world of earth bound swine. Shame on me, I know.
I'm sure I will cry, no sob uncontrollably, at the wedding as this is a tad more close to home than most. My aunt and her partner are his "best women" and will stand up next to him at the altar. I really believe that without them taking the time to engage him in conversation that he would not be where he is today. They brought him into their world and since he has known them he has grown so much and learned to socialize so much better. Don't get me wrong, he will still blow out your candles in a heartbeat, but he he won't get up and go if you say "Get out of town!"
They are honeymooning in Paris...Paris! Who would have thought this "angel" at the party would be jetting off to the city of lights with his new bride? Not me, not any of us and it is a case where I am so happy I was wrong. So tomorrow I am going to laugh like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching and eat cake like no one is looking. I am going to be like Steven, and what is wrong with that?