Starry, Starry Night

I feel like all of my posts have been so negative and gloomy lately and that's probably because they have. I am not a negative person by any means but the whole purpose of this blog is to keep an accurate journal of what it is really like raising autism. And if I am to be completely accurate then there is certainly going to be an abundance of heartbreak and frustration, as it comes with the territory. Telling our story in such a raw manner is not to gain pity from my audience, but rather spread awareness to those who have no idea as well as give a shout out to those sharing my shoes to say "At your wit's end? Feel like giving up? Wondering why it was you? Dreaming of something different? Blessed to have had the experience? Grateful for the opportunity to grow? Amazed at your inner strength? And tired as hell? I know exactly how you feel!" So that being said I am so very happy to report that today I have nothing but positive things to say about the past two days, well almost nothing but positive and I cannot tell you how happy I am about that.
Saturday Brad had to work....all day. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I wake up with a knot in my stomach somewhere around Thursday wondering how in the hell I am going to fill the first day of the weekend. With Cam waking up before 7:00a.m. the day can seem to go on forever and I often feel as though we are in some weird time warp where the hours pass for everyone but us. But this Saturday was such a pleasant surprise! Not at first though. Camryn woke at her usual ungodly hour and proceeded to loosen her babygate from the door jam, carry it down the hall and throw in on my bed, which I happened to stilll be in. "Do you have a wet pull up sweetie?" she said as she took off her pajama bottoms and five pound pullup and shoved them in my face. To anybody else, it would be weird, but around here it's the typical morning routine. I took her by the hand as she repeated "Let's put some panties on your booty baby" and you guessed, put some panties on her booty. I then followed her out to the kitchen where she opened the refrigerator for the first of at least a thousand times that day and grabbed a food item that she would take one bite of then feed to the dog. I poured myself a huge cup of coffee and turned on "Fresh Beat Band" Camryn's one and only television show preference. By this time it was about 6:20 in the morning, Mason and Natalie were still sleeping and I was wondering how on earth I was going to keep this girl busy for thirteen more hours! We watched "Fresh Beat" three more times and by that time all the girls were up and ready for the day. Mason and Nat were content to play their Nintendo DS's until I told them different but Cams, well you know. What to do, what to do??? Everyone I knew was busy so whatever I decided to do was going to be solo and that almost never turns out well when all three girls are involved. Our choices were very limited seeing as almost anywhere I chose to go was going to have other children there, which as you know by now can turn ugly fast. The only thing I could think of that would fill the day and wouldn't be a big deal if we had to leave early was the zoo. We have annual passes so if we got there and things got bad we could leave and come back another day to finish up what we missed last trip. But did I really want to take on the zoo with Camryn by myself? Was I really that desperate or more likely that crazy? Yes, yes I was and so I called Mason over and said " I am thinking of taking you guys to the zoo today." She looked at me as if I had just told her aliens had landed in the back yard and said with a total look of fear "To the zoo? All three of us? By yourself? You're scaring me!" I laughed so hard and said " I know, I'm scaring myself too, but let's go for it!" I got Cam ready and was about fifteen minutes from walking out the door when my mom called and to my surprise the plans I thought she had were for the next day so after a little begging and whimpering she agreed to join us. Praise the Lord!
The zoo is about a thirty minute drive which should be no big deal, but it is when Cams is in the car. She was in the middle row, with Mason and Nat behind her, but still within her ridiculous armspan. She was reaching around trying to hurt them and throwing things at them. I must have threatened to turn around twenty times, but decided to leave my nose in place, not spite my face and continue on. Once we arrived I put Cam in the stroller, said a little prayer, and entered with serious doubts we'd last an hour. We started with the orangutauns which may I just say are so stinking cute!! Cam's was cooing "Heyyyyy, hey little guy, I wanna give him a smooch, I wana hug him." We oohed and ahhed over their antics for a while and then moved on to some other animal exhibits. At each one Cams wanted to smooch, hug and give licky face to them. So far, so good and then the carousel came into view. I prepared myself for a scene but to my very pleasant surprise Cam did not freak out like before. Don't get me wrong, the girl was excited, biting her hand, tweaking up a storm, but she did not have a melt down while waiting which is unheard of. My mom took Nat and I took Cam and Mace. Of course Cam picked the horse highest up on it's pole and I nearly threw my back out awkwardly maneuvering all seventy six pounds of her up onto it's back. I buckled her and made a human shield of myself between her and a little girl behind her. We started spinning and she was shrieking with joy, shouting "Gentlemen, start your engines!" and just a hand bitin' away. Those moments make me so happy because she gets such joy out of something so simple. The ride ended and again I anticipated a meltdown but nothing more than a few whimpers for more before she shouted "All done!!!"signing it repeatedly and telling the horse "Night night!". Wow. Next was the kiddie coaster, Mason's favorite. I stayed on the ground with Nat, who is not a fan and my mom took Mace and Cam in line. Cam was freaking out, tweaking and shouting in excitement. My mom stood guard so no kids got pinched and to our surprise Cam waited as patiently as could be expected. There wasn't enough room for my mom to ride so Cam rode next to Mason. She has done this before but I always get nervous that she is going to break loose and fly off the coaster. Irrational I know but this is Cams we're talking about here. We watched the coaster climb up the track and Cam was tweaking away. When it began it's descent she looked very unsure and was clutching Mason's arm. They whipped around the corner and she was gnawing her hand in excitement waving at anybody she passed by. My mom and I cracked up....she can be such a happy little girl.
Again, getting off the ride there was not the tantrum I had conjured up in my head and I was feeling almost like a mom on a "normal" outing, or as close enough to "normal" as we could get. It felt good.
The day was hot, like 97 degrees hot so we stopped to get a shaved ice. They were huge so Cam and I split one. It was so cold and so refreshing and although Cams didn't get the concept of using the spoon to eat it I shoveled it in her mouth. At one point a spoonful of ice fell onto the stroller and grazed her leg. She began to fuss and I thought "Well, this has been fun, but now Cam has a wet spot on her shorts so we're going to have to leave", but surprisingly after drying her off with a napkin she was fine! A mircale on Zoo Lane!
We continued on through the zoo,making our way to Africa. Not the real one, but just as freaking hot! For three dollars you can buy a piece of lettuce and feed the giraffes. Yes, I said three dollars for a piece of lettuce. "It's the experience" I was told when I questioned if the lettuce was made of oxycontin. Well I tore our "experience" into three pieces. Mason fed the giraffe first, then Nat, who was a tad apprehensive and who wouldn't be of a foot long black tongue? Giraffes, the Gene Simmons of the animal kingdom. Then it was Cams turn. I wasn't sure she would give up the lettuce, as she sometimes likes to keep the food to herself. But to my surprise she dangled the lettuce in front of the giraffes speckled snout and said "Sit!" Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! My mom and I laughed out loud! The zoo attendant didn't even so much as grimace convincing me even further that to work at the zoo you must have absolutely no personality whatsoever. Guess they figure it would take away from the animals.The giraffe gobbled up it's treat and we moved on to the Okapi's. Okapi's are those creatures that look like the result of  a donkey and a zebra's one night stand. Cam really took a liking to them and kept saying "Heyyyyyy Copy, heyyyyy copy! He needs a hug!" And so went the rest of the day. Cam was calling out to all the animals,offering up hugs and "licky face" to any of them that would have it. When we first entered the zoo earlier in the day, Mason asked if we could stay till it closed at five to which my mom spouted out "No!" before she finished her question. But to our surprise we made it to 4:30! Amazing! The drive home was pretty much like the ride there, with Cam tormenting her sisters but after her stellar behavior at the zoo I gave her a free pass in the car and let Mason and Nat fend for themselves. It was payback for all their back talk.
So there you have it, a positive post finally! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. They may be few and far between like shooting stars in the dark of night, but that's what makes them so exciting.

I wrote this entry last week and forgot to post it, so I have to mention that since that zoo trip went so well, I decided to try it again this past Tuesday. This time I was by myself and this time, well let's just say it was quite a dark night. No worries though. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore.I'm pretty sure at this point in my life I could kick the boogeymans ass!